by John Moyer

Created on: June 26, 2008

A lot of guys refer to women as D.T's or even C.T.'s. I prefer to refer to women as E.T's; because at some point in every relationship a guy will look at his girlfriend and wonder when the aliens came and swapped her out for the woman he met six months ago.

To be fair, that works both ways. Women complain that after a certain amount of time their man is not attentive enough or caring enough. And men complain that their women have become too attentive and too caring. Only men call it smothering and bitchy.

Maybe relationships would be a lot better off if they were treated like leasing a car. It's good when it's brand new, and you pace yourself and only put so many miles on it... but eventually normal wear and tear sets in and we need the newer model. Relationships are the same way: when they are brand new we make time, we make out, and we make love. Then eventually we can't find time. We try to get out. And love turns to hate. We are the most evolved, intelligent species in the history of this planet, yet we are the stupidest when it comes to relationships. But in comparison, we've only been around a short while when stacked up against other species. There's still plenty of time to let stupidity among men and woman kill us off.

That's why the dinosaurs are extinct. The ice age had nothing to do with a natural earthly event as much as it did with a bunch of female dinosaurs with a cold heart turning against their male companions. In fact, there are some species who actually eat their young. And that's not about hunger, it's about saving the kids from the bullcrap mom and dad are going through. I can't help but think that my siblings and I might have been a lot better off if sometime around nineteen seventy our parents had us for Thanksgiving instead of turkey.

My sister and her husband recently celebrated their twenty year wedding anniversary. Or as I prefer to call it, twenty years of tolerance. Homosexuals demand tolerance from heterosexuals so there can be gay marriage. Let gays and lesbians get married, and after twenty years of marriage they'll understand what the word tolerance really means.

To revisit the car analogy, there's a TV show called Pimp My Ride. Rapper and host Xzibit surprise someone who owns an out dated piece of crap, falling apart car, then takes said car to a specialty shop to have it completely made over into some hip, slick looking awesome set of wheels. Well, how about a show called Pimp My Bride? (Granted there would have to be episodes

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