Death is the one thing that everyone is certain about. From an early age we have an idea of what it is. No matter our sex, race or age, we are all aware of it. Yet we continue our lives with no worries. We forget that death doesn't discriminate amongst between us. People die everyday in all sorts of ways. It comes unexpected no matter the time or place. People die from wars, natural disasters, violence, suicide, illnesses, and accidents to name a few. When death comes, it brings a few friends along, like sadness, grieve, shock, and loneliness.

Once a person is dead, it's all over. That person becomes like a ghost, something that's only talked, written, and remembered about here and there. No matter whom it is family or friend, once he or she is laid in the grave, we can't talk to that person, can't listen to them, and all sorts of communication and contact with them is cut.
Two weeks ago my grandma died. She had some kind of lung problem, doctors said it was chronic fibrosis, but in the end they couldn't figure out what it was. She was coughing and having breathing problems for all almost three years prior to her death. About two months ago, my uncle who lives in New York told her to come over there, in the hope of being treated by better doctors, or diagnose right. I was planning to go to UK for the summer. One day I was talking to my uncle on the phone, he told to come to NY, and to say goodbye to him, grandma and everyone else. Right there and then I knew what he was trying to say. He was telling me indirectly come and say goodbye to her, for this might be the last time I see her. When she died, I stayed. I was in shock and sad. But the thing that makes me feel really bad and sort of guilty is that fact that I didn't cry. As my uncle told me over the phone grandma has just passed away, I told him stop joking, but I didn't cry. I felt like crying but no tears would come out, even now writing this, I can't do it. This made me feel bad, because my grandma has done a lot for me, and raised me almost my whole live. But I couldn't do the most humane thing for her, people cry about all kind of things all the time. Maybe one of these days it will hit me hard, and I will cry for her. As a Muslim, our prophet said, to cry for someone is a sign of mercy. So did her death shock me to that extent, because I see myself as a merciful person? Or is it because this is the first time someone so close to me has died.

Death is scary, sad and it hurts. I always wondered, what is going through that person's mind that just lost his mom, or dad, sister, brother, or any other family member or friend. Because no matter how hard I tried to share the grieve with my friends when they lost someone, I knew I wasn't going through the same thing they were. Now I have an idea, what it was like for them. Thank god I never said I know what you're going through to any of those people, because I had no idea it was like this. When ever Allah makes it easy for me I will pray for my grandma when ever I can, and I hope god forgives her and makes the hereafter easy for her. In the end that's all we can do.

Learn more about this author, Farah Mohamoud.
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