by Samuel Winchester

Created on: June 26, 2008

Being a teen who can sometimes be defiant I feel rather highly qualified to write on this topic. Generally there are 3 reasons that teens become defiant.
The first reason is that they want more freedom than the parent is willing to give. If you think that this may be the case it would be wise to re-examine your position on some issues. Although teenagers today have more freedom than any before them, there is still an almost insatiable desire for more. Many teens have cars, cell phones, e-mail accounts, late curfew and all before they're 17. Often times parents give too much freedom because they want to avoid this rebellion, but in doing so they only bring it on all the worse. Remember, you are the parent, take control like one. That doesn't mean tyranny. If you can trust them to bike around town by themselves, then by all means let them do it. But if you suspect that they're on drugs that might be foolish to do. The key here is communication, make sure your teen knows what you expect, and when you are talking to them never, ever, ever sound frustrated. Your son or daughter may get mad at your standards, but if you don't get frustrated with him/her, then they will eventually feel like a jerk and come back to you. This isn't playing the guilt trip; it's just being a good parent.

The second reason that teenagers become defiant is that they feel their parents expect too much of them. First of all let's make one thing clear, absolute obedience is never too much to expect. But to do it is extremely difficult, so perfect patience on the part of the parent is never too much to expect either. Your teen will disobey you; there is no doubt about that. They will do it on purpose sometimes; there is not doubt about that. They will purposely frustrate you; there is no doubt about that. This all wrong on their part, but as the parent, expect it, be ready for it, and meet it with patience. Teenagers cannot stand people who don't have patience. During your teen years you are generally just trying to figure life out, and that takes time. There is no excuse for disobedience but a parent can help in this area. First, make sure the rules are crystal clear. Don't make a sermon, but in a clear succinct manner let them know what you expect. Secondly, give them some wiggle room. If you tell them to do something, try not to say NOW. That makes it seem like you don't trust them to get it done. Tell them, "sometime before supper." or something like that if can. Of course there will be

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