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how to act. He treated me differently, like a piece of property. But not like fine jewelry, more like dirt on his shoe. Having been used to this from spending 16 years with my own father, I stayed married for two long years. In total that was the longest 7 years of my life. Time flies when you are having fun, but slows to a turtles pace when you are in a miserable marriage.

I wanted my marriage to work, and I did everything I could to try and make it last. But giving 200 percent somehow still did not make up for what he was lacking. He refused to give anything at all. He did not believe I was entitled to that, or anything else, including my own opinion. I was married to a male chauvanist,... a younger version of my own father. If you discover there are too may parallels to count between your marriage and an abusive childhood, then it is time to realize that maybe your marriage isn't a marriage at all.

I'm not saying you should just give up on your marriage. Confide in someone you trust first, and make sure your not over reacting or being irrational. It's always a good idea to get someone else in your corner, even if you just let them know your thinking about it. Sleep on things before you make any rash decisions. Play out things in your head, all the if's and butt's, so you can be prepared to react to any situation. Maybe you can suggest couples counseling, or maybe you need to resolve some things from your own past in order to deal with your own present.

If however, your marriage is over already in your heart, theres usually not much you can do to get it back. I just woke up one day and realized that I didn't love my husband anymore, and that I didn't like myself very much when I was with him. I also realized actions speak louder than words, and that he would say he loved me, but he never once showed it. One day a friend asked me why I stayed married to him and I couldn't come up with an answer. That was when I started thinking about all my options, and making my plans. I didnt ask for a divorce when I first decided I wanted one, instead I waited until the time was right to play my cards. I quietly got all my ducks in a row first, so to speak. For what may be the first time, I put my own wants and needs FIRST. The best piece of advice I ever got was 'You shouldnt count on anybody but yourself in this world, because everybody elses will just let you down.'

So your marriage is not a marriage. Well unfortunatly, a divorce IS still a divorce. So don't take things too lightly. The big D can be very ugly and expensive, and long and drawn out. You may think you can just wash your hands of this ugly nightmare, but it is not always as simple as that. Some people stay in an unhappy marriage for years until the kids are all grown and gone. Usually, they say, for the sake of the children. If my husband would have been a great father maybe this would have been an option, but he was no better father than he was a husband. Therefore, I felt it would have been a huge dis-service to my son to be raised by two unhappy parents. Personally I feel my sacrifice to my son was leaving his father, not staying with him. That was much harder than just putting on blinders like my own mother did. Everyone can justify there own decision, but I hope that you never feel that you have to. Remember that it's YOUR life and YOUR happiness in question. After all, we all get married with the intent that it will last forever. But love is blind. And some of us eventually get our sight back.

Learn more about this author, Chris Dixon.
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