by Gina Alfani

Created on: June 26, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

"I wanted a perfect ending.

Now I've learned, the hard way,
that some poems don't rhyme,
and some stories don't have a
clear beginning, middle, and end.

Life is about not knowing, having to change,
taking the moment and making the best of it,
without knowing what's going to happen next.

Delicious Ambiguity"

Gilda Radner, a young life taken way too soon

Delicious Ambiguity . . . a delight in not knowing . . . I wonder when Gilda made this statement.

In the midst of her cancer treatment?
When she thought she had beat cancer?

My husband died with no warning, it was a sudden heart attack. I often wonder what we would have done differently if we knew he was going to die soon. Sometimes I ponder the idea of being spared from having to deal with the facts that would have made me crazy, but on the other hand, the shock of sudden death in the midst of normal life up until the moment I called 911 . . . it still has me messed up all these years later. Is it because I was not emotionally prepared?

In contrast, my dad died a slow death . . . my mom had to suffer through a long and painful battle, watching the man she spent her life with suffer more and more as the days passed by.

In some cases, death is the welcome end to a life story.

My husband did not suffer and had no idea he was about to die . . . the doctors reassured me that we should all end our life on earth that peacefully. It does bring me comfort after watching my dad and so many other friends and family die a slow death at the hands of a prolonged illness.

What makes the difference between the way we are destined to die? Why does God choose for some of us to suffer with pain, while others peacefully drift away . . . why do some people afflicted with cancer make it through treatment to live a long life while others with the same condition suffer that painful death?

We all want perfect endings to every story, like happily ever after in a fairy tale. Sometimes fate and destiny has nothing to do with a positive or negative attitude . . . only the quality of our life that has nothing to do with delicious ambiguity, except for the faith that the end of the story will be a peaceful and happy one.

Ironic that one of my favorite funny ladies of all time made me think about life and death in this way rather than making me laugh . . . but much more important than a laugh is a reassurance and gratefulness for the peaceful way my husband left my life and our world. I had been thinking about him a lot lately and reading the Gilda Radner quote made me feel a strange peace.

Delicious Ambiguity . . . I'm also grateful that I don't have a crystal ball to make me crazy about things that are destined to happen in my life. If it was meant for us to know these things before they happen, the latest and greatest model of the crystal ball would be available on eBay.

My thoughts go to strange places sometimes, but it is all about life and making the most of the time we have been blessed with life. What I get as the moral of her quote is . . . no matter what destiny has in store for each of us . . . Celebrate life, take each event and change with it . . . and enjoy life to the fullest!

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