by Melissa Meacham

Created on: June 26, 2008

All fat people should die

I feel like something is wrong- of course this is my life I am talking about something is always wrong, ha. Every so often I feel the need to cut myself out of everyone's lives. Like I am no longer needed and it's time for me to go away. I want to leave people the way I always leave them, picture perfect like in my head. I am the problem and everything is based on past experience and past experiene has taught me all things end badly. It is the exact opposite of my belief system. My heart tells me everything will be ok and yet my brain is telling me to set things on fire just to watch them burn. And my body? Well my body is telling me that all fat people should die like apparently half the world is saying too. I go to the gym 6 days a week and work really hard at maininting a healthy diet- for what?

To live longer on a planet where I will never be accepted, where people will never see me beyond what I look like and yes where I never get a freakin date! Ok, I have a lot to be thankful for, good music, good family and friends, I do not down play them at all, I am very thankful. I don't look at them and see the flaws, I just see them, love them, and I like to see that they are not perfect, because that makes me feel closer to people and a world I've never really been apart of. When I was in vegas last yr I was walking to the bathroom at one of the casinos and a group of younger, good looking guys shouted to me"stupid fat girl, with stupid hair and stupid hat, we don't want you here" I pretty much fled to my room, it was one of the worst feelings, I was completely unaware that in my adult life people would still make fun of me.

I'm one of the good guys, I try to do what I can to make this world a better place for people and this is what I get. I just had to face the fact the work I do will never mean anything to anyone if they can't even see past what I look like. I don't know what to do a lot I am haunted by those words and so many other things everywhere I go. And in my job mirrors are everywhere. The image industry thrives on me being like everyone else. I look at my friends and I can honestly say I know the hottest guys and very pretty girls and I just wonder why I am here. I should be in a basement somewhere- I am here to make the beautiful more beautiful and I have to say my clients pretty much rawk it. Like I probably even wish I was you who is reading this- I live in world where people are pushing me out and somewhere the little bit of hope for change is pulling me back in. I won't apologize for who I am but I can never make you see differently.

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