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have been over many long years ago. We punished each other by falsely believing if we kept trying to fix it we could fix our marriage.

If you have to constantly work on a relationship, perhaps it isn't really a relationship worth keeping. Open and honest love endures the small and the large mistakes we make, it is not the same as enduring the constant brow beating and control tactics of a bad relationship. There are worlds of difference in a healthy relationship and marriage compared to the disfunctional kinds.

Knowing it is over finally gives you a chance to heal. You start to have some control of your life and your happiness. It is a realization hard to recognize that we simply can't make others happy. Happiness comes from within. Money can't buy it, if you are unhappy you can't expect others to make you happy. Happiness is shared. Bad marriages don't share much happiness. Bad marriages do have a lot of negative emotions like guilt, anger, blame, control issues and jealousy. None of these emotions are related to happy feelings.

Measure your marriage or relationship by your own happiness index. You can't compare your life to someone elses. If you know it is time to let go, then do both of you a favor and just do it.

Each person knows when the love has died. It isn't love when you only tolerate each other for the kids or appearances, that isn't living, it certainly isn't loving. Getting your life back on track is better for everyone in the long run. Get help and really listen to what each of you has to say. If it is all negative then there is your evidence, the marriage is over!

Learn more about this author, S. Linda Jensen.
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