by Elle Kamino

Created on: June 25, 2008

The only people who can really call the right moment of leaving a marriage are the two directly involved. Although one party may realize that it's over long before the other even begins to admit it, I firmly believe that the knowledge of demise is rooted simultaneously. I mean, how could someone who has been that close to another possibly not notice even the tiniest change as it's occurring? Is it that we really subconsciously hide our obvious disappointments or, do we just openly not want to have to admit our defeats?

Couples marry for as many different reasons as there are marriages and they divorce over just as many, as well. Not only most accepted but almost admirable beyond any reasoning are those who leave abusive relationships followed closely by those who leave his or her unfaithful spouse. Let me be clear on this, I am proud of anyone who finds the strength to stand up and work to make their own life a better one by cutting the ties that have proven to hurt them.

Having said all of that, I can't help but to wonder why it is so looked down upon to simply want out of a marriage for sheer lack of happiness. From my own personal experience of living through a very unhappy marriage, it was not only implied in many ways by friends and family but also told to me straight out that I just needed to get over how I felt. I wasn't being abused and I wasn't being cheated on and therefore, it seemed, that I was not in a terrible enough place to warrant a respectable divorce. What? A respectable divorce? Are you kidding me?

It turned out that no one was kidding and I have spent thirteen years in a marriage that should really have ended before it even began. I knew, for certain, that I wanted out during our first year together but I just couldn't face the disappointment of all the faces I had looking in at me. There I was, a young bride living in a beautiful house in the country with mountain views and all the peace I could ask for. It looked perfect to everyone looking in and so how could I have expected anyone else to understand? People knew how miserable I was, even my husband knew how miserable I was but nobody offered me acceptance, not even after I had openly asked for it.

It is so often said that it is far too easy, these days, to divorce but I'm not so certain that it's true. It may technically be somewhat of a simple process but it's far more difficult to come through a divorce without being judged unfairly. In my opinion, the right time to leave a marriage is at the very moment it becomes clear that things really won't ever get any better; leave too soon and you might have jumped the proverbial gun but by leaving any later you can only be assured of utter and horrible disservice to both involved.

I suppose that in the end it might be better to somehow find a way to admit defeat straight up; when the end of a marriage becomes clear, it's time to move forward. Let no one tell you that your reasons for wanting a divorce are not good enough for if there is reason enough for you then there is no explanation required for anyone else.

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