by K BoxRight

Created on: June 25, 2008   Last Updated: June 26, 2008

So the saying goes, "what he doesn't know, won't hurt him." Well, I say this is the wrong statement to make when a woman has pledged her heart and life to another-her future husband. Instead, the saying should be "what he doesn't know, WILL hurt him." Keeping secrets from your potential husband is not only dishonest, but can prove very damaging to your relationship. Having the knowledge that someone you love has chosen to keep a part of their lives from you, no matter how bad, is perhaps the worst betrayal that one can endure.

I say the most important aspect of a healthy relationship is full disclosure. Oh, I am aware of those issues in the past that makes one embarrassed, ashamed, and vulnerable. However, dark secrets should be given light when you have decided to trust another with the most intimate details of your life. Is it so bad for him to know that you were a thief, a porn star, or pathological liar in your past? It shouldn't be. It will be bad if the man you marry finds out those dark secrets on his own. When you choose to allow secrets to remain secrets, you are intentionally sending a clear message of being in opposition to everything decent that he thinks you are.

Of course, there is always a fear that one has when you have secrets that are too painful to share. But, if he is the man that you are trusting him to be, then he will share that pain and help you get through any secrets that you may fear is damaging to your relationship. Many times, we make the mistake of thinking that a man would not want to marry us or that he would abandon us for things that have plagued our past. I think the potential husband should be given more credit than that. After all, he is only human. You may even find that he has dark secrets of his own that he would like to share with you.

I have secrets. I have kept things from my husband out of fear that he would be angry, hurt, or even leave me. However, I realized that my problems would be worse if my husband found out these things on his own. I think the shame would be more detrimental for me. We all have things about our past that we would like to keep in our past. But if we cannot trust the person to whom we are promising our lives, then we should seriously think about marriage. As I stated before, "what he doesn't know won't hurt him." Well, oftentimes, "what he doesn't know WILL hurt him," and that hurt will be caused by his greatest enemy which is "you." Because you have decided that having a dark secret is simply an omission, not a lie.

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