by Denise Calaman

Created on: June 25, 2008   Last Updated: September 19, 2008

Ironically, when a couple is experiencing the pain of infertility the couple's marital bond should be stronger than ever but infertility has a way of putting a strain on a marriage financially, physically and emotionally.

I am not a stranger to the pain of infertility and it is something I talk about rather candidly. It is important for people like me to share what we know so that other couples may learn from our experiences and remain strong through their own personal journey with infertility. My husband and I struggled for years with the pain of infertility. We tried to remain close and together as one during our struggle but at times, it was extremely hard.

Couples who have been trying to conceive for a long period of time find themselves in a fragile emotional state and when both spouses are emotionally drained, it causes tension. Snapping at one another or becoming frustrated with other people is very common as your mind is trying to process what you are going through.

Couples who have tried unsuccessfully to conceive naturally for a period of time may turn to a fertility specialist. And all of a sudden it is as if your secret is out. Doctors and nurses will begin to examine you, taking samples, and asking all kinds of personal questions. Sex is no longer when you feel like it. You have sex when your doctor and the clock tell you to. Sex becomes really unromantic. It becomes almost a chore. Many couples find this very hard, not only because of the loss of enjoyment and spontaneity, but sex is no longer a personal or special activity between the couple. Many times, for a couple seeking fertility treatments, sharing their most personal moments with a stranger and not having a special sexual bond between them proves difficult and causes much strain on the relationship.

Fertility treatments can be quite costly and many couples often strain their pocketbooks to pay for treatment. When you really long for a child, it is hard to draw a financial line and say "This is where we are going to stop." What if the one treatment you refuse because of cost, is the one treatment that will allow you to successfully conceive a child? There have been many couples who have mortgaged their houses two and three times and maxed out credit cards to pay the high cost of fertility treatments. This also puts a strain on a couple and often the bills for treatment haunt them for years to come.

The emotional and financial demands of trying to conceive often take a physical toll on couples. It is quite common to be exhausted when struggling with infertility. Schedules, doctor's appointments, bills, and "Is this the month I will conceive?" are some of the constant thoughts that run through your mind all the time. When you are trying to conceive, neither your mind nor your body gets much rest.

The emotional, financial and physical tolls all feed off of one another and it becomes a vicious, draining cycle. It is very easy to forget that you have someone by your side that is sharing in the unfortunate experience with you. Many fertility specialists now offer couples counseling as part of a fertility treatment package.

Learn more about this author, Denise Calaman.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.