by Alexander Grayer

Created on: June 25, 2008   Last Updated: January 29, 2009

I need you all to understand something: Your health is no joke and you must take it seriously. As a matter of fact, I predict that after reading this, you will understand this. Your health is so important that every thing you do, whether you directly connect it or not, is related to your health.

When you wake up, you brush your teeth because the smell of your own mouth threatens to make you puke. You take a bath because you feel sticky and itchy. You lotion your body to keep it moist. You wear clothes to protect your body from the weather. You go to work (not just to make money) to keep your body active. Even those who have all the money they want still go out and work out even if they don't go to a job. During the course of the day, you drink when thirsty, urinate when pressed, and eat some more when hungry. All these activities which are wired into our habits and urged by our bodies are highly salubrious to us. If you didn't brush your teeth, the plaque you swallow would get into your blood vessels and increase your risk of heart attack. If you didn't bathe, (or at least sweat), sores and rashes would form on your body and get infected (you know where it goes from there). If you didn't moisturize your skin, it would dry up and crack to create open sores. If you didn't wear clothes, you would risk sunburn, heat strokes, and abrasions. We all know the health benefits of physical activity by now, so I'll skip right to the health promoting activity that warranted all of lengthy and wordy writing in the first place: food, glorious food.

Question: Should we pay great care and attention to things that greatly affect us? This entire paper is written on the premise that the answer to that question is "with all certainty." Irony: Judging by our attitudes alone, the answer to the previous question would be perceived to be "if we feel like it"

You are what you eat; not just the physical makeup of your body, but even your mood is affected by what you eat (hence we keep sugar from hyperactive kids). You could make yourself a much healthier and attractive person just by eating right. We all know this, yet we spend $125 billion on greasy, trans-fat-filled, high cholesterol, hydrogenated, preservative laden food every year.

I judge you not, admitting that those McDonald's fries and those Wendy's junior Bacon Cheeseburgers taste so good. The owners of these businesses organize their corporations systemically and run them very efficiently, even more efficiently than the governments of most nations. They hire the best scientists and give them the best equipment, for the sole purpose of discovering how to hook every one of our senses and reel us into the drive-through. We eat all these foods and walk away with our systems full of toxins, that they leave us with clogged arteries, high blood pressure, and enlarged guts, amongst other malicious bi-products. How nice for us would it be if the health food industries had the same budgets as fast food companies? We'd eat so much less junk, that we would cut almost half of health expenditure, and spend a lot less time in pain.

Conclusion: I leave it up to you to decide whether "you can has cheeseburger" knowing that there is some tapeworm in your stomach saying "I'm in your belly-sucking all your blood." But I tell you for a fact, that if you do decide not to "has cheeseburger" (at least not every time), you will enjoy the numerous benefits, and have more cheese to but the new iPhone, and anything else you can save for. Also you will spend less time in pain.

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