by Carl Megill

Created on: June 25, 2008

I saw my first robin of Spring yesterday...two guys held up
a Seven-Eleven. (Rim shot.)

But, yes, it is Spring and that means bright sunshine,
colorful flowers and a young man's fancy turns
to...baseball. Just kidding. I mean, love. And what
follows love, but engagements. And what follows
engagements, but marriage. And what follows marriage, but
fighting over control of the TV remote.

This year there will be more June brides than June bugs.
Women are lucky in that they usually have a prenuptial
discussion with their mothers about what to expect out of
marriage. Men have a prenuptial discussion about what to
expect out of a marriage, too. It's called the bachelor
party.

That's why I would like to use this column to advise the
young men, about to make that important step, of the
pitfalls and trip wires to avoid.

First of all, there are two very important magic words you
must learn before we continue. Those words are, "I'm
sorry." Learn them. Practice them in front of a mirror.
Saying these two words, convincingly, can mean the
difference between being served your favorite dinner and a
bowl of Kibbles N Bits.

At work, you may be the one who makes all the important
decisions, but once you pass through the portals of your
domicile, your decisions don't mean squat. To avoid
confrontations and a series of squabbles that will only end
in you having to say the two "magic" words anyway, leave
the decisions to her. She will appreciate you for having
enough confidence in her decision making and you won't have
to worry about where she hid your underwear. (Besides,
you'll get used to sleeping in a fuchsia bedroom with
periwinkle slipcovers and a hot pink canopy.)

Just like you, wives go through different changes in moods.
However, even if you lived together for forty years before
getting married, you will never see all the moods that they
go through. Taking an educated guess, I would have to
safely say that there are only about sixteen minutes a
month that your wife won't want to take a power tool to one
of your limbs.

Another thing to keep in mind is...you're wrong. Accept
that fact. You are never right. If the sky is blue,
you're wrong. If tomorrow is Friday, you're wrong.
There's another phrase you may want to start practicing.
"You're right, dear." In fact, if you combine the two
phrases that you have been taught, ("I'm sorry. You're
right, dear.") effectively, many a night on the sofa with a
spring jabbing you in the back can be avoided.

Be prepared to be made to look like an incompetent fool at
any time. If

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