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I have survived a divorce and am currently happy in a 10 year (re)marriage. My ideas on a successful marriage are largely based in my faith. But whether a person practices a faith based marriage or not, one sure-fire sign that a marriage is approaching burial point is when BOTH parties have decided they no longer want to try. But that still doesn't mean funeral arrangements need to be made.

Marriage is a partnership. Like anything good in life, it takes work, it takes concessions at times, and it isn't always easy. The best marital advice I ever received was that, "sometimes, in marriage, you have to wear blinders." This is so true. The modern-day philosophy is that, if it doesn't work, just give up. But how much do we really miss out on when we don't try?

My current marriage hit some hard rocks within the first 4 year that we were together. At my wit's end I lifted the failing union into prayer. My fervent plea was for my husband to change. But what I found was my need to change. I thought I was perfect (or close to) and that I did everything right. But the fact was, by not allowing my husband to be who he was, the man I married, I was at fault.

We often enter marriage with the mis-conception that we can change what we don't like about our spouse. We also enter into union expecting that we really know the person on the other side of the isle. But saying "I do" somehow alters the relationship. As time passes and life experiences leave their imprints, we do adjust. Our core values usually stay the same, but some of us harden against pain, some of us soften against the sentimental things, but all of us make concession and adapt. We have to be ready for that and understand that of each other. The true test is not how much we can make someone else change, but how much we are willing to accommodate.

When my epiphany settled in, I realized I had to choose not to rise to quarrels. I had to choose not to always have the last word. I had to choose to let him be him. I offered patience and peace and as impossible as that sounds, I soon found patience and peace in return. By our 6th anniversary I found I was married to a man that I could begin falling in love with all over again.

My marriage is not "perfect", but few marriages are. He still leaves his socks and underwear on the floor next to the bed instead of in the dirty clothes basket. He still plays online games way too much. He doesn't always take the time to do the things with me that I would like him to do. BUT,

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