by Debra Lobel

Created on: June 25, 2008

In the Jewish tradition, you make a tear in your clothes to show you are in mourning. That happened in the olden days. Modern Jews don't tear their clothes now but wear a black ribbon that pins to your clothes instead. My family is not religious. But when it comes to tradition about death and mourning, you can bet we are all going to do the right thing.

Children of a deceased parent must wear it so it is visible. All other family members can hide the ribbon under their clothes. I remember when my mother's father died she and my aunt wore the ribbon pinned to her bra after the initial mourning period. When my mother died, I knew that I would pin the ribbon to the outside of my clothes for a few days and then hide it under my clothes. That's how she did it, so that's how I'm going to do it.

At the cemetery, the Rabbi placed a ribbon on my aunt, my sister and me. I wore it on my blouse for the rest of the day. When I got up the next morning, I pinned the ribbon on my blouse. By the afternoon, I couldn't find it. I looked all over the house. I called my sister to tell her what happened. She said that she didn't think that mom wanted us to wear the ribbon. My sister wasn't going to wear hers. I called the Rabbi and told him that I had worn the ribbon that day but it must have fallen off. I asked him what I should do. He said I could buy a ribbon and wear that. I didn't like that idea and wanted an "official" ribbon from the Rabbi. That night I went to his house to get another one.

The next day, I decided that maybe I shouldn't wear the ribbon on the outside of my clothes and I should hide it. I tried to attach it to my bra. I didn't like the way the ribbon scratched me. When I got undressed that night, I found that the ribbon had come off my bra and was hanging off the bottom of my blouse. I called my sister to tell her about the ribbon. Again, she said that my mother didn't want me to wear it. I told her it was tradition and I wanted to wear the ribbon.

When I went to work the following day, I decided to put it in my pocket. That way I wouldn't lose it. I drove to work, got out of the car, and put my hand in my pocket to make sure it was there. It was. I sat down to work, knowing the ribbon was in my pocket. Right before lunch, I went to the bathroom. I checked my pocket for the ribbon. It was gone! I looked all over for it. I retraced my steps back to my desk. I retraced my steps back to the car. I couldn't find it. On my way back into the office, I saw it lying on the grass. I picked it up and put it back in my pocket. I called my sister. She said well I guess you know what she said.

This was very weird to me. I wasn't getting any understanding from my sister. I decided to call my aunt and tell her the story of my wandering ribbon. After I told her the story she laughed. She said she wore her ribbon on her bra to follow family tradition and she also had a story about her ribbon. It seems that she and her husband were shopping that day. They had separated in the store. My uncle looked down and saw a black ribbon. He found my aunt and gave it to her. She checked her bra to see if hers was still there. It wasn't the ribbon my uncle found had fallen off her bra.

I decided my sister was right. My mother didn't want us wearing the ribbon and she was going to have her way even if she wasn't physically here with us anymore.

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