by R Shimoda

Created on: June 25, 2008

I think every parent goes through a stage where they want their child to stand out and what better way than to give them an unforgettable name, right? Wrong. If parents want their child to stand out, send them to school dressed in fluorescent colored clothes or give them a mohawk or paint them blue with body paint but don't give them a strange name. That will haunt them and you for the rest of their life.

My belief is if the parents really feel strongly about having their child stand out with an unusual name, they should set an example and change their name first. In almost 50 years, I've only known of one person who changed his name from William to Pila as an adult and have admired him for practicing what he preaches. Let's think a bit more why giving a strange birth name can harm your child.

First, children tend to be cruel with non-conforming classmates. Unless the child is screened from interacting with any kids, they will be traumatized. Responses from other kids can range from insulting chants to shunning them altogether. A child with an unusual name can end up having such a traumatic childhood it could cause problems which will haunt them for the rest of their life.

Second, the child will spend the rest of their life correcting others on either how to pronounce or spell their name. Some parents think the name "Abcde" (pronounced Absidee) is a cute way of teaching their child to spell their name. Unfortunately it makes the butt of jokes in their class and it gets even worse if they can't spell it. A woman I work with has the name "Estee" and spends much of her time correcting folks that it's pronounced "Es-tay" and not "Es-tee".

Third, the child will always have to answer the question of "How did you get such an unusual name?" for the rest of their life as well. This comments typically come from the same folks who upon being introduced to Kobe Bryant and the first words out of their mouth is "Boy, you're really tall". Unless you happen to be immensely wealthy like Frank Zappa who named his son and daughter, Dweezil and Moon Unit, this will be a problem for your child.

Very few folks will deliberately use a strange name as adults and instead use nicknames or go by their middle name. Some of the winners I've heard are Larry Jean, Keith Ann (this woman's father really wanted a son but his wife made him give his daughter a girl's name and this was the result), Robear (the parents didn't realize the French spell it Robert but just don't pronounce the "T" on the end), Torrance (where the boy was born), Christma (girl born on Christmas), Valentines Day (guess when this girl was born)and Fredella.

My oldest daughter has a friend who works in a clinic in LA and his job is to call patients when the doctor is ready to see them. One day, he looked at the next name on his list and wasn't sure how to pronounce it so said it the way it was spelled. It was spelled "Shi'thead" and he said it without the apostraphe. An angry woman stood up and yelled at him saying her son's name was not "Sh*thead" but "Shi'thead". I'm sure that's a young man who will not use his given name.

Our next door neighbors are expecting their first son in October and have decided to give their son a Hawaiian first name, Alaskan Indian middle name and a Chinese middle name. Anyone want to bet if the son goes by a nickname as an adult? Once again, they think it would be "cute" to do this but I suspect the boy would be happy with a name like Robert or John or Dennis instead.

So in the words of the immortal Johnny Cash at the end of his song, "A Boy Named Sue", If I have a son, I'm going to name him...George or Paul or Bob, Anything but Sue!

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