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It is my personal belief that as long as a child lives with his/her parents and does not contribute to the household financially, the child should not be paid for good grades or for doing chores.

I must say, I do like my parents' approach to this subject. When I started school, my parents sat me down and said, "You know how we go to work and get paid? If we do a good job, we get paid a little more. Your classes are your job. Your grades are like a salary. If you do a bad job you get lousy grades, if you do a good job you get better grades. Be proud of what you earn at your job. We are going to make sure that you don't have to worry about roof over your head, food on your plate or clothes on your back. Just go and do a good job and earn your grades." My parents and grandparents did give me a little bit of money every once in awhile to buy ice cream or to go to the movies, however that wasn't a payment for anything. I had a set of chores around the house, which was a substantial set by modern standards: washing and putting away the dishes (no dishwasher), taking out trash, watering the houseplants and dusting in addition to keeping my room neat and clean. That, however, was considered to be my contribution to the household (like my parents' contribution constituted their salaries to pay for everything), so there was no money involved there either.

When I did well, my family preferred to reward me with an experience rather than cash. We would all go out for some desserts together, or to an amusement park or to the beach. That way, I had fun and felt rewarded in more ways than cash could ever buy, and my parents could celebrate their accomplishment of raising a studious hard-working kid. When I was nine years old, my parents showed me how to warm up the food the left for me in the fridge for those times when I came home from school hours before they returned from work. This was Soviet Ukraine, so I actually had to use a gas stove - not a microwave. A couple of years later I graduated to cooking, starting from some simple things (like making pasta) and finishing with soups and stews. Because of the way my parents presented these things to me - as complex grownup tasks - I actually wanted to learn them. Being trusted with cooking was a reward in itself, because of how involved the task was. By the time I was thirteen, my parents could leave me at home by myself for a weekend and never worry about my having enough to eat, or coming back to a messy apartment or getting a phone call that I burned the place down trying to fry an egg for breakfast.

An interesting side effect? As a teenager, I was never embarrassed to show up in public accompanied by my parents (including showing up in front of my classmates). I just couldn't think of anyone more interesting or more fun to be with than my mom and dad. Go figure... Maybe if so many modern parents stopped stuffing their kids with cash and toys and started giving gifts of experience and fun, they would be more welcome in their children's world too.

Learn more about this author, Maria K..
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