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It's tricky business and most often applies to women, but with more and more of us deciding to take the initiative, even men must develop that diplomatic skill of the "Subtle Turn-Down".

No one wants to hurt another's feelings, and in the case of women, we have been conditioned not to hurt. We are healers and the carriers of life, our job being to nurture, to protect, to build up and not to tear down. We learn early to accommodate men, making it all the more difficult for us to say no. Being a woman, i will address it from that point of view, but any suggestion can be applied to the guy finding himself in that delicate position of having to say "No thank you".

We've all been there and likely it began very early. You were 13 and that weird guy with the glasses who sat behind you in English asked you to go the the "Spring Fling". You were so hoping to get that same invitation from the guy in your homeroom with the wild green eyes, but you were so polite, so shy and so afraid you would hurt his feelings that you went anyway... and you were miserable.

If you are even old enough to say yes, you must be mature enough to say no and to do it in a way that's polite but firm, honest and direct. Sometimes we just can't use the real reason for having to decline, but there are a few little white lies, or even ways to make the truth go down easier and face it - it's far more polite to be truthful than to give a guy hope where there isn't any.

Try to avoid the trite standards... "I just don't want a relationship now". He didn't ask for a relationship but one little dinner out. If "I'm seeing someone" is true, then by all means use it, but if not, a lie will come back to bite you... promise.

The truth in one form or another, spoken in such a way that he can save face (and so can you) is the best way to go. The usual reason for turning a man down is just not "feeling it". Maybe he's a friend, maybe just not your type. Both of those things can be conveyed without stepping on toes or wounding that fragile male ego.

If you give him a positive first (but not a hope in hell, you don't want him to keep asking), then you can blunt that barb you are about to stick him with. A few of my past turn downs include...

(To a guy I knew well and was close to)
"John, I like you very much, but we've been friends a long time and you really are like a brother. Not only do I not want to ruin that, but I just don't feel that way about you. It isn't that you won't be great for someone else, but it just isn't

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