by Viv Corridor

Created on: June 23, 2008

First of all, if a "reviewer" pre-alerts a restaurant to his visit, walks in with an entourage and accepts a meal for free, you can best make use of his "review" by using it to line the birdcage or house break a puppy. He's no more a reviewer than the kid working the grill is a celebrity chef.

There are entirely too many people out there posing as journalists when all they really want is a free meal. And thanks to naive restaurateurs who think the opinion of one person will mean more than the quality of the food they serve or service they deliver, these pseudo-reviewers have plenty of opportunity to get fat and happy for free.

Here are five questions to help you determine if a "review" is worth reading, or if it's just a lot of gas:

1. Did the writer get his meal for free? Call the newspaper and ask if reviewers pay for their own meals (and get reimbursed from the paper) or if they're allowed to accept free food. If the meal was free, look elsewhere for dining advice. Free food is rarely served or consumed with even a smidge of integrity. The restaurant giving the free meal expects kind words for their trouble and the person taking it has implied he/she is for sale for the price of a bowl of pasta.

2. Did the writer give the restaurant a "heads up" that he/she would be visiting and when? If so, the "reviewer" didn't get the same experience YOU will have. Restaurants, alerted to the arrival of a critic, will ramp up their quality, add special dishes and whip the staff into a superior-service frenzy. NONE of which will happen on a regular day when you show up to dine.

3. Does the writer use a lot of "foodie talk?" Let's face it: Only true gastronomes care about "plating," "presentation," "ambiance" and "atmosphere." YOU only care if the food tasted good, the menu had good variety, the place was clean and the waitress took care of you nicely. Reviewers that go heavy on culinary jargon are like cooks who slather everything in sauce they don't know how else to impress.

4. Does the writer only review one type of restaurant or cuisine? If the critic for your local newspaper or your favorite Web site only ever reviews Italian restaurants, or ones where you have to have a gold card to get in, his opinions won't be very useful to the average reader. Americans eat a wider variety of cuisines than any other culture in the world. That means some nights we feel like cheap, greasy but yummy wings served in a setting where we can wear T-shirts and jeans, and other nights we want to eat haute cuisine while wearing a jacket a tie.

5. Do you agree with the writer's past reviews? Check out the "reviewer's" body of work. Did she pan a place that you love? Did he give a rave to a dive you wouldn't set foot in again after the first bout of food poisoning the cook gave you? If you dine out regularly, you've already formed your own opinions about a lot of eateries in your area. If the reviewer's past opinions match your own, he or she is more likely to steer you right in the future.

Finally, beware of dining in a restaurant that prominently displays their reviews. Truly great food doesn't need to be promoted in print. It generates its own buzz with the oldest, most reliable review tactic gold old "word of mouth."

Learn more about this author, Viv Corridor.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.