by Barbara Baxter

Created on: June 23, 2008

Death is not a subject to be taken lightly. There are a lot of people who welcome Death, but laughing is not something I have personally heard much about. The adage "laughing in the face of Death" does not apply to the majority of people I have known who died.
Tears are the most common form of expression when someone dies. Tears, wailing, keening, and pining: these are all expressions of the grief and loss that comes with death. Laughter is not one of the keynote emotions when someone dies. By laughter I mean gut-wrenching, howling, Mel Brooks hilarity. But laughter through tears will remain the last memory my son and I share of his father's death.

My first husband died of cancer at 50 years of age. David was a robust man who devoted his life to Boy Scouts and our church. He had this broad, deep laugh that bubbled and gurgled from deep inside him to eventually explode from his gleeful lips followed by choking and gasps of air. No one could resist joining David in theses moments. His sense of humor was off-the-wall and his laughter was infectious.
I thought the humor and the laughter would change as his disease progresses. It did not. Instead he felt freer than ever to just be himself. He saw the humor and pathos in everything. We both cried and laughed often in the six months left of his life after his diagnoses.
The last two weeks of my husband's illness was emotionally charged. There were long talks while my son, his wife, and I took turns staying in his hospital room. I was always there. He had the hospital staff constantly laughing. They later told me they sometimes felt a bit guilty because they knew this funny man was dying. It was natural for them to feel sadness, but not uplifting joy and laughter with someone so close to the end, especially someone so young.
David made jokes about alien babies as the pulmonologist drew liters of fluid from his abdomen. He continually asked the transporters for rides to HARDEES or TACO BELL. When we went for chemo he commented to the nurse about what mutations he had considered becoming after his therapy was complete. He felt the HULK was classic but a bit pass so he wanted to try for something more unique.
On his last day in the hospital before returning home David decided he wanted to take a shower. This 6 foot three former athlete was 250 pounds of very large bones and thick muscles. He insisted on walking his IV into the bathroom by himself. I rushed to his side for support, but I was too late. David tripped over his

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