by Ashley Walker

Created on: June 22, 2008

Dear Baby Son,

I think I have everything ready. Your room is set; blue bedding and plenty of toys. I've picked out the rocking chair where I will feed you and the crib where I will lay you, probably reluctantly, after each time you fall asleep against my chest. I've bought all your little outfits, folded them neatly into the small drawers of your tiny dresser. I've stacked books on your shelves and practiced reading them in my reassuring, light-hearted, 'mom voice.'

I've set aside money to be able to stay home with you for three months after you're born, and arranged for someone sweet to take care of you while I'm working after that. I've put all my ducks in a row, decided on a course for my adult life, and have begun planning how we'll spend our free summers in far-flung places like Nicaragua and Japan, having adventures and discovering just how much this world and all its millions of people have to share with us.

I've thought about how smart and funny you're bound to be. How I hope you'll dance when there's music playing and sing in the car. I've thought about our Christmases, and the birthdays of you and your future friends, and how I hope that I'll be able to help you care as much about giving as you will about receiving.

I've questioned my decision to raise you on my own, and thought about the things I'll say when you start to ask about your dad. I've hoped and prayed and begged any 'powers that be' that I will be able to provide you with so much love and support that you won't ever feel slighted, that you'll always know you're worthy of respect and admiration, and that you'll act accordingly.

I've pondered ways in which to assure you that women are strong and capable and that I will always take care of you, while still raising you to open doors for your girlfriends, give them presents for 'no reason,' and mow the lawn without being asked. I have vowed never to involve myself with anyone who is not a model of the fantastic man I know you can become.

I hope you feel, already, just how important you are to me. Your happiness is my life's work. Already, you're my real, true, pride and joy...and you haven't even taken your first breath yet! Everything you do, each moment of your life, from the first instant I see your face, will bring me more fulfillment than anything else I've experienced thus far...and I am in awe of your power as a person. I will always, always love you.

I'm glad I'll get to know you, and that you'll get to know me. I'm glad the universe has trusted me with a task so vastly beautiful as raising you and helping you find everything that's meant for you...and I pray that I don't screw it up.

Yours,
Mommy

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