by Ernest Capraro

Created on: June 22, 2008

Nice guys can have it rough, to be sure. The reality often is that the "bad boy" garners the most attention from women. There is something exciting and seductive to the flashier, on-the-edge, devil-may-care lifestyle that appeals, especially to younger women. I say especially, because it is mostly through time and experience that the value of a stable, caring, and reliable man comes to light. As a result, many women are attracted to the bad boy, much to the frustrated dismay of her good-hearted, less flamboyant, admirers. Surely this is where the observation that "nice guys finish last" comes from. And if the story ended there, it might be true.

However...

For many women who choose the bad boy, the life that unfolds is no fairy tale. In today's society you can find many examples. Women are left with multiple children when the guy decides it's time to move on. If the single mother is lucky, the guy pays child support once in a while. And that's a fairly happy ending. Harsher tales are all too common. For instance, the woman weds her rough, tough man, and finds herself trapped in an abusive relationship that is nothing like the excitement she'd planned for. Once upon a time, such circumstances might have been unusual, and even now, women find it hard to speak out about such treatment, but the numbers are there, and even on my own I've gotten to know and hear a dozen or so such tales. (As a nice guy, I am also recognized as a sympathetic listener.) With luck, the woman eventually escapes from the nightmare, divorces, gets a restraining order, changes her identity, and prays that she'll find safety. (If this sounds extreme, guess again. Or better yet, contact a local women's shelter for verification.)

The woman who chose the bad boy is clearly the loser at this point. The nice guy suffered disappointment, and perhaps loneliness and a bout of self pity. The bad boy had his way until now (and some will continue to do so, though a rare few end up in jail, and others are saddled with alimony and child support). At this point, the story just looks grim. If life is a race, there are no obvious winners at this point, though perhaps the bad boy is still slightly ahead.

Time marches on, however. The woman, against all odds, finds that she is willing to take another chance on men. This time she has experience to guide her, and knows what she wants in a husband. As you might suspect, she wants a nice guy. (Okay, I'll admit, I know some women that have had to learn the lesson more than once, but this describes the ideal case.) She finds her nice guy, the one who has yearned for a woman that he could treat as a princess, and he shows her what a loving relationship can be. Of course, that assumes that he is willing to accept a wife who may already have children, almost certainly has emotional scarring from her past, and will have much to work through. The not-quite-so-nice guys will dismiss such a woman as having too much "baggage", and elect to hold out for someone that fits their ideal. Such is their right, whatever the result.

In the long run, though, the answer is clear. The nice guys don't finish last, they simply finish later. The story of the Tortoise and the Hare comes to mind, for as surely as the Tortoise won out in the end, so too can the nice guys. Women who choose poorly are certainly the losers in all of this, while I really can't say too much about the bad boys, since I choose to have little exposure to them. Perhaps they find a cozy bar, and swap stories about the beautiful wives they used to have.

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