by Aly Kempland

Created on: June 21, 2008

"Hard to Want"
Those were the exact words a couple friends told me the other day. That I am "hard to want". Now what exactly does that mean, the guys explained it too me. He said, "Its not that you are "HARD TO GET" no, its much more than that, you put up a wall, like a CONCRETE wall, which you let no one through" At this point, I was confused. What was wrong with having a wall up? He began again, " This wall you have up, blocks guys from getting anywhere close, they hit on you, and then immediately get rejected. I understand that you have a fear of rejection, a fear of being hurt, but you have got to look at from the guys point of view, sure you dont want to be rejected in the long run, but he gets rejected right off the bat, how do you think that makes him feel?" "If a guy is hitting on you, obviously he wants you, whether it be for the right reasons or the wrong, still, there is obviously no rejection from his side." Okay, starting to make some sense... "But the reason why I say "Hard to Want" is because you make it so difficult for guys to even want you, much less try to get you. You are past "Hard to Get"...You have got to starting letting more people in, and face rejection, if it happens, then what is it hurting, obviously there is someone out there better for you."

Alright, alright... Now here's my best friends point of view on this subject.. "That exact reason is what makes you different from every other girl. You know what you want, and you're not going to let somebody who doesn't meet your "requirements" get close to you. You want the guy that you're going to spend the rest of your life with and if it means being single for now, you're fine with that. The guys that you do seldom let in, they should consider themselves damn lucky, because I can't even get in. lol. You're not necessarily looking for the man of dreams right now, because your not looking for anyone else, you wait for THAT GUY to come to you. You go out, to parties, bars, and SO MANY guys come up to you, and yeah, you push them away 100% of the time, and I know why, you're tired of being hurt. So I think that whole "Hard to Want" is bullshit, because everybody wants you, they just don't have the skills to get you."

Conclusion... I don't know what I am and what I am not. I don't see this "wall" that I am supposenally putting up. I don't have enough confidence to know when someone likes me or not. I have had many guys, who I thought liked me, end up just wanting to be friends, never even wanting anything more. I flirt with everyone, and sometimes I don't even know what's flirting and what's just being friendly. This whole thing is complicated. Sure, I want a boyfriend, I would love one... but I don't know how to be a girlfriend. I am too used to being alone, to even know how to BEGIN to have a relationship. I would end up messing it up and getting hurt. Maybe I am just to scared to like someone. Man, I have got to figure out how to overcome this! Thanks for reading... feedback please.

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