4 of 12

Write now Article Tools

Denial is the brains way of easing us into realizations slowly. When we are forced to immediately absorb painful realities without preperation, we often go into shock. And so sometimes, despite seeing unpleasant writing on the wall, we see art, for a time.

I am fond of saying that I am " The queen of denial." This can be a good thing, as I remain more positive than negative about most situations. It is also a bad thing because I postpone taking action which risks my well being.

It took me years to admit that my husband was an alcoholic, and to leave. The practice of long term denial is actually an art form that anyone can perfect. The observer alters scripts of life, or adlibs dialogue to suit their own desire for a comfortable reality. This is done unconsciously, and automatically, because we so desperately long for situations to be good, and right.

No one want to acknowledge shortcomings in other human beings. It is devastating to admit we are being used or abused. Being forced to acknowledge the practice of potentially lethal habits by loved ones, is more than anyone can bear.

My younger son was having problems. (The truth is that he has always had problems.) At 18 he was unable to handle his own life. (He didn't want to, he preferred to smoke pot.) At 23, he had been bleeding me financially dry for years.( I let him bleed me dry, to ease my conscience.) He was getting divorced from a beautiful, but very crazy young woman.(She was sick of looking at him stoned.)
I let him move into my apartment, to try to help him recover.(I really wanted to keep him alive.) Over the course of the next two years, he robbed me, verbally abused me, disrespected my personal belongings, and lived like a slob. I refused to see that he was a drug addict.
I chose to believe he had emmotional problems, that were my fault.

One evening, I opened his bedroom door to encourage him to eat dinner. He was crouched on the floor, with a rope around his arm, preparing to inject himself. And that was the end of my denial. It took me about seven years to get there.

Denial is like a drug, lulling us into a state of euphoria. In this state we are able to carry on with the business of living. If we accepted horrible realities instantly, we would be on the floor kicking and screaming. We would totally fall apart.

There are degrees of denial, and there are levels of denial. Take for example a man who refuses to admit he hates his job. He denies hating it, because to acknowledge his dissatisfaction would render him incapable of working. Iv'e met women who are grossly obese,
and totally dont recognize their obesity. They wear make up, and beautiful clothes, and jewelry. I am always in awe of their ability to deny their obeseity. They see themselves as beautiful, and consequently others see them that way.

I beleve that the opposite of denial is acceptance. Acceptance is when we clearly see a situation for what it is. Armed with acceptance we are able to make the decision to take action, or to accept things exactly the way they are. Denial is salvation. Denial buys us time, to cope, to understand,and to move forward. The phenomena of denial, also provides us with the reasoning we require, to stay exactly where we are.

Learn more about this author, Laura Harrison.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about Reflections: Denial?
We want to hear your view. Write now!