by Michelle Reed

Created on: June 21, 2008

Are you your child's favorite toy? If you engage in tantrums or power struggles, you belong in the toybox. Almost all tantrums and power struggles between a parent and child begin with a loss of control. When a toddler feels that they have no control over the situation, they will become frustrated and angry. What you do in those moments will direct your childs behavior.

Toddlers are in a stage of asserting themselves. If they are left to their own devices and decisions, they can become emotional. When a child becomes emotional, most often the parent does too. Staying neutral and directing your child will bring about desired behavior. The best way to avoid a power struggle is to offer choices. If your child feels like they have some input and control, it will go a long way in gaining compliance.

If you child is hysterical and unreasonable, give them the choice of calming down for five minutes or taking a time out. If you send your child for a time out, don't become their toy again. Effective time outs are not to engage in more arguments or attention. You should use no more than ten words and ten seconds to get them to time out. If it takes any longer, you lose. If your child chooses not to go to time out, let them know you will not discuss the problem or be able to help them until they have been in time out. When your child is in time out, do not engage in conversations. Use an egg timer, set outside the time out room, that they can see and know how much time they have left. This will avoid attention during time out of having to tell them how much time is left. Always use appropriate time with age. Five minutes can seem like an hour to toddlers.

At all costs, avoid the verbal power struggles. When a child is emotional, they are looking to put their hurt emotions on someone else. If your child cries, "You don't love me," be sure to reassure them you do, but don't go any further. When they say, "no you don't," this is the beginning of a power struggle. Most parents will fall into this trap and not realize the verbal yo-yo game they just entered. There is no winning a power struggle, so do your best to redirect, or ask why they would think you don't love them. Often they can not come up with an excuse and will redirect the conversation for you.

Never make corporal punishment a choice. This is not the desired behavior you want your child to adopt, so don't make it an option. At this young of an age, children will incorporate physical punishment as appropriate behavior

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>