by Christine Dunbar

Created on: June 20, 2008

Anger is not easy to deal with no matter how old you are. The best way to deal with a child expressing anger is to help your child understand anger. Anger is an emotion we all have; and it is something that we all have problems expressing at one time or another. A lot of children feel as though "no one understands" how they feel, when we as parents know that in most cases that is simply not true. Maybe we don't know, but we can certainly understand it.

The first step is making sure they know that anger is an emotion everyone has; that it is something we all must deal with.
Once your child understands that anger is a normal emotion that everyone has; then it is time to help them understand how to express anger in a non violent way. I encourage my daughter to write in her journal, or to discuss how she feels. If she is angry at a friend she'll come to her dad and I to talk about it; however when she is so angry she can't stop crying or she starts yelling she have a cool down time in her room. My thought on that being-how can I help if I can't understand what she is saying? I've taught her that after she calms herself down, the best thing to do is to resolve the feelings to her satisfaction, not theirs, not mine and not her dads.

As a parent it is our job to guide our child through to adulthood with a good understanding of the world and of life. That means when they get angry it is us, the parents who are responsible for teaching them about it. To help them better understand it and to deal with the feelings in a productive way. Children guided toward responsible anger management are more likely to understand and manage feelings of anger directly and non- aggressively and to avoid the stress often accompanying poor anger management.

A few ideas for helping them express anger:
1 Journals or books. If your child is like mine and he/she enjoys reading and writing then help them use that avenue to express them. Not just when they are angry but with happiness and sadness.
2 Exercises. Some children are more physical than others and writing in a book or reading about someone else just doesn't get it for them. They need an energy release, so try to encourage regular exercise. Then when the feel that they are getting angry, he/she can go for a walk. Maybe they can go into the rec room and dance, or maybe he/she can climb that tree in the backyard?
3 Maybe your child just needs to be alone so he/she can sort it out on their own. Some kids just need their space. So do them a favor and when that happens; let them have it.
4 Talk about it. Not every child is ready to talk about the problem right away sometimes they may need to do 1, 2, or 3 first. Whenever they are ready to talk about the problem; be there. Listen and don't offer advice unless they ask for it.

In the end, we can be sure that children learn how to express their emotions by interaction with their families and later by watching television or movies, playing video games, and reading books. Children who have learned a negative, aggressive approach to expressing anger, when confronted with everyday anger conflicts, will resort to being aggressive to try to resolve the issue.

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