by Jocelyn Guevara

Created on: June 19, 2008

We all have them daysthem days we could really do without. I can recall one day imparticularly when Bill Bob thought it'd be funny to put tuna in my hair. The good news was that, by the time I'd woke up, the cat had licked my hair clean. The bad news was that I had a bald spot the size of Texas.

Well, Bill Bob took real quick to hobblin' away (he'd tripped over a chair the day before) when he found out I was awake. He knew I wasn't too far from the spatula. He made a dash for the door with me just inches behind. He hobbled briskly through the garden. I had almost catched up to him when I tripped on a vine and met face-to-face with a datgum skunk.

"Concarn-it!" I yelled.

I hopped up and kicked the gate in fury. It hurt. I reckon I didn't much care at the time. Besides, the pain in my eyes negated out most the pain in my foot at the time. I didn't catch Bill Bob that day. He slept out in the house. He was afraid to come into the shed, and rightfully so. I woulda paddled him good, and he knew it.

Peggy Sue came home about the time I put ice on my foot. She walked in the door, took one look at me and bursted out into laughter.

"What'd Bill Bob do this time, Auntie Mae?" she asked, while still giggling and grunting.

"I reckon it's nonya business, if all you gonna do is laugh at me." I said in disgust.

"Well, anyway, I just got my fourth grade diploma! I just got my fourth grade diploma!"

Peggy Sue danced around the room, jumping off of chairs and couches and haystacks. I was thoroughly annoyed. She was such a darn bragger. She's somehow my family member, otherwise I wouldn't tolerate her. She's my sister/sister-in-law/gramma. I'm never quite sure how to introduce her to folks.

"Datgum over-achiever!" I mumbled under my breath as she left the room.

The rest of the day wasn't too fun, but I got through it. I said my prayers and went to bed early. I prayed for better days.

Well, Bill Bob came home the next day. My eyes burned for days from the skunk, but not half as bad as his rump burned after he came home. Now, not every woman spanks her husband/brother-in-law/uncle, specially when he's 43 years old, but I figure I have the right to do that until he completes 1st grade. Them datgum edumacators allow for too much over-achieving. Sixth grade! Ha! Third was enough for me, my mama, and my mama's mama. Them edumacators just think they're so much smarter than everyone else, but I'm sharp. I see right through them. They be walking around, actin' like they don't know no English and junk. Humph!

Now, I know all of y'all hate days like this, but there is always a good lesson that can be learnt. The moral of this story is keep yer shed locked, even from family members that live at home, sleep with yer eyes open, don't let yer family members go to school past 2nd grade, and carry a big spatula. Never forget it!

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