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I grew up with a mother who was very hard and controlling, my father saved me from her wrath many days. When I became an adult married with my own children my mother said she did what she thought was best for me, to keep me on the straight and narrow. Well I chose the opposite way of being a mother and my two children have grown up to be great adults, easy to get along with, loving, compassionate and great parents themselves. So what I'm saying is to just be there for these people we are raising, listen before reacting, give them options to make decisions on their own, we all need the space to grow and learn on our own. They will come to you when they really need an ear, having no fear of your reations and knowing that you will help them from your love for them. Don't be the mom who says do it because I say so. Be the one who will always say lets figure it out together. My own daughter said to me a few years ago. "How did you do it? I only have two and I'm ready to have myself committed."

My only answer is to not sweat the small stuff. Easy! No not really but you reall have to work on it. Our children really do emulate us, so be real, teach them from your heart. When they see how you treat people and how you react to any situtation whether at home or out on an errend. They will know that this is the way to behave and how to treat each other. Believe me I did have to deal with sibling rivalry, but not with my two. I had 4 step-sons, two of which lived with us. We also had 11 foster children in seven years. Mostly teen-age boys. All of whom fought for my attention. They fought to see who be the first to greet me when I got home from work. I loved them all and they new it. My husband was a big help. When we first became a family we sat them down and told them this is our family no matter what. Here is the father here is the mother here are the children, all brothers and sisters. We had my daughter, then six boys. This was our home most times. There were times we took in very small children as they were being transitioned to a permanent home. I loved having the babies around. Anyway, back to the communication question. Listen, listen, listen. That is my best advice. All of the kids knew that they could tell us anything. Number 1 in our house, we love you no matter what. And the only way we can help with any problem is to know what it is and come to a solution together. To this day my step-sons call me mom and their children are my grand children. Their mother has told me on more than one occasion thank you for always being there for the boys. I am one of these mothers who connot conceive not loving a child, no matter who he or she came from. I get very upset when I hear horror stories of step children. I want to say get a grip you're supposed to be the adult teaching them how to be adults. What we they learn from mean or abusive step parents. All kids want their own parents together. I really don't think they get the whole,we just couldn't live together anymore. Or we fell out of love. What kind of thing is that to tell a child. So they think at any moment my mom is going to fall out of love with me and leave me. Okay I'm done. Just listen to what your kids have to say. No reactions.

Learn more about this author, Annemarie Aldorasi-Derenard.
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