by Tzan Alexander

Created on: June 18, 2008

Though the success or failure of a marriage is not contingent upon who takes out the trash and who does the dishes, the distribution of household labor is definitely a significant sign of the type of communication a couple has. Ask any highly educated marriage expert, or the couple that has been married so long they are experts by default. They will tell you there are several elements that go into making a marriage work. Things like love, respect, common goals and interests, decency, loving kindness, understanding, and personal hygiene, to name a few. However, without good, clear, healthy communication as the base, all these things are for naught.

You can love someone with your whole heart, but if you don't convey that to them in a way they understand and feel, then it doesn't positively affect the relationship. You can respect someone tremendously, but if you have not communicated respect to that person, in a way they understand and feel, then it doesn't positively affect the relationship, either. Two people can have the same goals, but if there is no communication on how to achieve them, then they end up on different pages and being counterproductive.

This is true for everything that happens on a daily basis in a marriage. From what and how food is prepared to how laundry is done to how money is spent to how the bathroom gets clean. Communication is a key factor in how smoothly a household runs, and how successful a marriage is.

Let's say that one spouse doesn't like peas, likes all their clothes dry cleaned, is a penny pincher, and uses bleach to clean everything. The other spouse loves all vegetables, washes their clothes in the washer at home, is not really budget conscious and thinks soap and water is good enough to clean just about everything. What about the spouse that doesn't mind cooking but really doesn't like doing dishes while the other doesn't mind cleaning, but can't boil water? Or the spouse that thinks the bathroom should be cleaned on a daily basis and the other thinks that once a month is good enough?

These may all seem like small things, but without communication, they can become major bones of contention and ill feelings. It is unfair for any person to expect their partner to "just know" what they want, or better yet, feel the exact same way they do. That lack of communication can open the door to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, feelings of disrespect, anger, resentment, which inevitably lead to arguments, and passive aggressive behavior, ultimately resulting in both people feeling hurt, disrespected, angry and resentful.

Each person in a relationship, with a desire for that relationship to be successful, has a responsibility to clearly communicate their own feelings, thoughts, and opinions. Furthermore, they should not only convey those feelings, thoughts, and opinions in a loving and respectful manner, but also listen in the same way. From there, two partners can determine a mutually acceptable way of handling things in order to have a happy marriage.

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