by Kristen Stamey

Created on: June 18, 2008   Last Updated: May 19, 2010

Granted I was not adopted and I'm lucky enough to have parents that are still married, but I have been around foster kids and adopted kids and I have seen how emotionally damaging it can be. Depending on a person's situation, I can see why one would believe that it's better to be adopted than aborted and I'm sure a person that has been adopted and well-cared for would argue with a person that thinks adoption is a guaranteed way to put a child through a life-time of hell but most people have known at least one adopted child that has been a victim of abuse. Being in an unforgiving foster home or being adopted by the wrong people could be life-threatening; not to mention having to go to several different foster homes because it doesn't ever work out. To me, that life seems a sad one.

I'm not sure young children should know that they are adopted until they are of an age where they can understand what that means and why it happened. Even then, it seems that it would be damaging to their self-esteem. I can only imagine what it would feel like to know that your biological parents didn't want you but to know who they are seems even worse. I believe that open adoption would be confusing. If a 16 year old girl has a child and knows she can't take care of it and believes the responsible thing to do would be to give that child up for adoption and they have an open adoption, what happens when that girl grows up to be in her late 20's and realizes that she wants that child now; how is that going to make both sides feel when they know each other but can't be together?

To me, it seems that a child would have a healthier life by growing up with the adoptive parents and not knowing any different until they can understand why adoption was necessary for them. At that point in their lives they might not even care where their biological parent is because they have accepted their family as their own. I feel that if I were to find out that I was adopted today, I wouldn't care to know who my real parents were because I have a family of my own who loves me and wants me. What good would it do to go searching for someone who was disappointed that I was ever made? What purpose does it serve to know someone just because you have their genes? I have always believed that just because someone is your family doesn't mean you have to love them or spend time with them if they treat you poorly. You should be with the people that make you happy and those that are your friends can be considered your

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