by Lisa Doherty

Created on: June 18, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

I had been married and divorced before I met my husband, so I was certain there was very little this unmarried man of forty-seven could teach me. After all, I was the one with all the experiences, both bad and good of married life. How on earth could I learn anything from him that I didn't already know? It is usually when I believe I have all the answers that something steps in and shows me how very much I still have to learn.

When we married, I was 30. Yes, there was a bit of an age difference. While I was the one with the relationship experience, he had lived a lot longer than me. He remembered seeing the Beatles on Ed Sullivan. The first president I remembered was Jimmy Carter. He remembered the moon landing and Woodstock. I wasn't even born when Kennedy was shot. All these things endeared me to him and him to me, as we found commonalities through the things we both love to do. Our marriage was young, we were starting a family, and I quickly became pregnant with our son. Time was on our side and we had the rest of our lives to dream, build a future, and raise our children.

When he woke with severe heart burn one night, I didn't think much about it. As a Type I diabetic, he was constantly having gastrointestinal discomfort, among other symptoms. I gave him some antacid and went about my business, trying to ignore the nagging feeling that something wasn't right. Ten minutes later, I checked on him to see if he was better. Of course, you can see where this is going. He wasn't better and his left arm had started to hurt a little, which prompted a call to 911. He complained, as husbands often do, that I was making too much out of this and that he would be fine in the morning. The truth was, we found out, that he was having a heart attack and if we had not gone to the hospital, he would have been dead by morning. He had developed a blood clot in one of the major vessels. They put a stint in to open the vessel and sent him home a few days later, telling him how lucky he was. The first thing he taught me, other than to trust my instincts when it comes to the health of my family, was just how lucky I was - and am - to have him with me.

As the years progressed, the first heart attack was followed by two more and then a small, mini-stroke. Fortunately, there has been very little damage. So, what have I learned from my husband? I have learned about the importance of time. We go through this life thinking that we have all the time in the world and that these days, both good and bad, will never end. An evening turns into a morning and we take for granted that the person quietly breathing next to us might not be there come evening. Living with someone who has a chronic illness changes that perception completely. Suddenly, time takes on a new meaning and we really get the opportunity to change the way we spend our days. Discovering that the things we believe are important in our lives, the cars, the mortgage, the jobs - these things mean so little in the grander view of life. What truly matters are the relationships we build and the people we love.
We get a certain number of revolutions around the sun and how we choose to spend that time makes all the difference in the world.

I taught my husband about communicating and how to make dinner. He taught me how to laugh with him and love him like today was our very last one together, because we both know each one could be. There is no greater lesson he could have taught me than that.

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