by Sarah Kivi

Created on: June 17, 2008

If you have had an argument with a good friend, it could be over something trivial or something "earth shattering" to the friendship. Assessing the level of wrong doing is key when making an apology. If you borrowed your best friends shirt and ruined it, the apology is much different than say a sharing a kiss with their significant other. Either way when apologizing it should be done in person. This is because your friend knows you well enough to read your body language. It would be a shame if your sincere but emotional apology came across as insincere in another medium. Being face to face with your friend should alleviate this possibility.

First, you need to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for your wrong doing. No matter how big or small the action was do not try and place blame on situations or other people. For example, if you borrowed and ruined a shirt it's best to start with "I am sorry that I spilled red wine on your white skirt". What you shouldn't say is "I'm sorry that red wine was spilled on your shirt, a woman bumped me and that ruined it". You will be respected more for taking responsibility because ultimately, you are the person they trust.

Second, if you can compensate them in some way for your action.. DO IT! If you ruined a shirt, go get them a new one or offer to have it cleaned. It was your mistake, try to correct it. Obviously, there are many situations where this is not possible but if you can think of a way to "re-pay" them it is best to voice this effort.

Third, explain the situation to them and BE HONEST! If you try to omit details or facts of a wrong doing it makes your apology seem half hearted. Your friend deserves the truth, and the whole truth. Answer any questions they may have and offer the answers willingly. This could be very difficult but in the end it is better coming from you than a third party down the road.

Fourth, only after you have made ever effort to apologize may you ask forgiveness. You have to be prepared for the possibility that you will not get it. Some situations will most likely have a happy ending where you hug and vow to never fight again. Other situations could sever your friendship. When asking that you be forgiven, make sure you plead your case. Make sure you tell your friend what they mean to you and how they have enriched your life. Tell them why they are important to you and how you plan to prove your loyalty and earn their trust back in the future. Most arguments regardless of situation differences are because trust has been broken. Your willingness to repair and re-earn this trust is crucial.

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