by Jocelyn Guevara

Created on: June 17, 2008

Becoming a celebrity is no easy task. The biggest asset of celebrities such as Jamie Lynn Spears and Miley Cyrus is a famous family member. To be related to a celebrity, you have to work hard to be born into a family of fame. I have compiled a list of things aspiring actors will need in order to become famous.

I. A fancy car. No one will take you seriously if you do not appear rich. That's show biz.

II. Women will want fake hair, fake eyelashes, fake boobs, and a fake nose. That's just the way it is.
III. Big sunglasses and a big ego.
IV. A big closet. Celebrities have a lot of money to shop on, and they acquire a lot of freebies on tour.
V. A self-centered attitude. If you do not love being the center of attention, then show biz is not for you. You have to be sneaky and care about yourself more than anyone else in order to survive stardom.
VI. The friendship of a famous person.

I'm sure you are wondering where talent and looks are in the list. Well, to be honest, they're about the millionth thing one needs in order of importance. Take for example, Sarah Jessica Parker. How on Earth was she a model before she became an actress? Another great example is Hilary Duff. Her voice is 30% real, 70% computerized. How did she make so much money as a singer? Poor Walt Disney. I am sure that Hilary Duff and Miley Cyrus are not what he had in mind when he created Disney. I'm so glad I'm not him, besides the fact that he's deceased. And poor America...what has become of us? Money has become water to us. We spend it foolishly upon singers that are really nothing more than frauds.

So, all you really need to do is follow the above list. Don't worry too much about perfecting your talent or your looks. None of the current celebrities do. Simply walk in like you own the auditions, and hopefully you're related to a celeb.

If you really want to become famous, get a DUI on the way to the auditions, and fail any drug tests. If you are a woman, a surefire way to fit in with the celebrity crowd is to shave your hair off before auditions. Make sure you are fraudulent in your taxes, and don't forget that the paparazzi are your new circle of friends. The key is politics. Who do you know? Who do your parents know? Befriend the rich and famous, and you will become rich and famous. Remember to throw out all moral standards and traces of decency or true emotion. Good luck!

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