by Jamie Hebert

Created on: June 17, 2008   Last Updated: July 01, 2008

Have you ever wondered, "What am I doing here?" No, I don't mean when you forget what you were going into a room for. I mean, "Does my life have a meaning?" I have. I am now thirty eight and there are days I still wonder if I will ever find the true meaning of my life. It used to be a great source of disappointment and frustration. And, I felt that I alone wondered about my life's purpose. Everyone else appeared to know theirs. Today, I realize that we all wonder at one time or another. Some of us talk about it while there are those who wonder in silence. But, we all ask the question, "What is the meaning of my life?"

I have come to believe that my life's purpose is not etheral. Alot if it is what I make of it. I am learning to be content in whatever situation I find myself. I have taught myslef to listen to Christian music and think about the message in each song. The music reminds me of the importance of focusing on my priorities. The music stirs my inner being. I find contentment as I reflect on the things I hold dear. I have my four beautiful children. Two girls and two boys, two of which are teenagers and the other two are quickly approaching. I am healthy and I walk upright on my own two feet with no assistance. I take no medications. I have money to pay my bills each month and a little left over. I write as often as I can. I love my job and work with great people. I have friends both near and far. I know what I like and what I do not like. This for me, though very simple, has meaning. I have learned that it does not have to be etheral or grand. It can be simple. The meaning of my life can be simple and that is alright. I don't have to do great things and be remembered by posterity. If I am respected by my family and my children, that has meaning. If I can lay my head down at night, close my eyes, and sleep restfully after reflecting on the day, I know my life has meaning.

I once felt the need to expend great energy to create meaning in my life. I became an Elder in my church and spent countless hours ministering to people. I spent long days pouring myself into one after another, never feeling contented or fulfilled. It was as though it was all for nothing. Nothing was gained. It had no meaning, at least not to me. One day I stopped long enough to hear my youngest child say, "Mom, when are you going to take us to do something fun with you?" It was an honest question. I stopped what I was doing and really heard him. I changed my plans that day. I spent time that day with my family. It felt good. At the end of the day I had energy to cook dinner and do the dishes myself. Something that had been a chore before. At the end of the day I felt content. Was this what my life was missing? Had I lost the meaning of my life by replacing it with other things which were supposed to have meaning? How simple. It was always right there. I simply needed to accept it. I was a wife and a Mom and a student (when school was in). I was a sister, a daughter, and a friend. Those things were meaningful. But, in their simplicity, they were overlooked. My four year old, in his youthful innocence, cleared my confusion. Today, my life has meaning. I am still a mother, a daughter, a wife, a homemaker. But, I am no longer confused about the meaning of my life. I am content.

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