by Laura Harrison

Created on: June 17, 2008

The last one finished me off. The thing that gets me now, is that I didn't realize that he would be the last one. When I discovered men, I flushed all of my goals for the future down the drain. I traded in my love of music and dance and travel and writing for the love of men.

For many years I believed that love was the be all and end all of living. Life without a man was unthinkable. No sooner would I rid myself of one, than another one came along. I think I believed that the right man would complete me.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, after going through quite a few, I discovered I really didn't want one. It seems that I am not willing to spend my life being accountable, or capable of
constant compromise. And the men do not like these character traits at all.

The love of my life died suddenly, when I was quite young. Losing him this way sort of added
drama to my quest for the right man. I needed to replace him. Man number two was my first lover, so I married him out of catholic guilt. Man number three was a religious fanatic, whose dad used to beat his mom with her crutches. He was very good looking, and quite insane.
Man number four was a charming, good looking, funny, very sensual man. He was also a drinking, gambling, lying, cheating alcoholic. Man number five was a life long friend. He was very dependable, and moral. He was also a narcissist, and very disappointing.

And then there were the one night stands, back in the seventies when sex was cool. Looking for love, in all the wrong places. Thinking that sex was love, learning that sex without love, is truly a bummer.

I was very adorable when I was young. Big brown eyes, an infectious laugh, very spontaneous,
and intriguingly independent. There was no shortage of interested men. There aren't any now. I cant imagine where they've all gone. I know that many of them have been discarded by women, and wives who didn't want them anymore. Those men are in hiding, licking their wounds,and complaining about their divorces. This is the group that doesn't have a clue as to what they did wrong.

Men bled me dry. I grew so tired of their moods, and their whining, and their need for constant attention. I grew so bored with having to give up me, to have them. Their needy, and whiny, and demanding, and childish, and really way too much trouble.

Oh, I know there are some good ones out there. Where, exactly I don't really know. But I don't have the time, or the inclination any longer to look for one. I wouldn't have the courage to trust one. I really don't feel like risking getting a disease to have sex with one. And quite frankly, I really don't need one.

It is my good fortune to have a large group of women friends, who are single. They are all
attractive, intelligent, independent, and wise. They have all been disappointed, burnt,or abused by men. They meet all of my needs. they encourage me, support me, compliment me, and support me. They make me laugh, and we like each other.

I would maybe, want one again some day, to grow old with. But he would have to be the perfect man. This man would be very low maintenance, a good companion, demand nothing, and take me just the way I am.

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