by Shay Vaughn

Created on: June 17, 2008   Last Updated: October 24, 2011

Filling the "hole" that being adopted leaves behind. If you are adopted, you know what I mean. I have always felt that being adopted left me incomplete. It was like there was literally a part of me, my being, a hole in my heart, that was different from other kids. It was almost as if I was truly missing a body part that only natural born kids had.

I was adopted as a toddler, almost two. I was the youngest of four, and only five months old, when my mother left. She literally left! My sister, who was six at the time, remembers sitting on the steps of our apartment, waiting.... waiting for days, for our mother to return, but she never did. After three days of eating God knows what, a neighbor called the police. Social workers were brought in and we were finally sent to stay with our mother's parents, our grandparents.

Call it obligation. Call it guilt. Call it desparation. My doting grandparents tried their darndest to raise all four of us. It didn't take long for them to realize that, try as they may, they just didn't have the means or the will, to take us in. Over a four year span, the two oldest siblings had been put in foster-care. I was given up for adoption when I was 19 months. My brother, who was only 11 months my senior, was allowed to stay. A favorite, but not for long. He too, less than two years later, was relinquished for adoption. One by one, we were gone, but our grandparents, never truly abandon us. One still living and one gone, my grandparents were the only consistent part of my life. Off and on for as long as I can remember, they would pop in for yearly visits, never losing track and always making us feel loved.

For years I've struggled with the idea that my adoptive mother was a suitable parent. I wonder why a single, handicapped woman with so many obstacles in life, would add another one or even be allowed to adopt. Of course, now, being a parent myself, I see things differently and with much more clarity, however, I will always wish that things would have been different.

If I had any advice for adoptive parents it would be: Don't refer to your adoptive children as just that; "adopted children." Though true, in the legality of things, it should never be used as a label, either in public or in print! I always felt that my adoptive mother used the words "adoptive child" to compare my very existence to her one and only natural born son, my oldest brother. Though, ironically, I look very much like my older brother, my mother was quick to point out that, in blood, we were not related. It's my belief that children are a gift from God and should be treated as just that, a gift, regarless of origin, handicap or birthorder!

Learn more about this author, Shay Vaughn.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.