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done. Keeping myself distracted with life and its obligations. As he would sit there and make comments about how foamy his latte was. He would say, "Isn't this the most beautiful thing, really"? Inside I was screaming, what is your problem!? I guess I didn't know that I could enjoy myself. I didn't know I deserved to be happy. I didn't know peace really existed. I was too busy punishing and blaming myself for my recent divorce. I was in a very dark place at the time. I am grateful today for this angel that came into my life and resurrected me. He tended to all my emotional wounds with such tender nurture. There is light, there is love, I can finally breathe.

The journey to healing our mind. The part of our mind that wants us to suffer relentlessly. It never ceases, 24/7 it can tell you over and over why you should suffer and be miserable. It can state its case so strategically and factual. It will back you into a corner, so you give in. It will brainwash you. This mind, so powerful, so cunning. It's time to take control over this monster.

Here is a poem that I wrote. It's about the mind that wants to keep us held hostage. It's called The Prison of Pain'.

This pain is all I feel.
Time doesn't matter.
The hands on my watch mean nothing,
They just keep going around.
Wake me from this dream
Or let me sleep forever.
This dagger in my side,
From a war with myself.
Rest is all I need.
Wring my neck,
Or let me be.
This never ending torture
I can't take.
My mind built this prison
That's now become my home.

This was written during some agonizing times of darkness, filled with suicidal thoughts, grief, and loneliness. These times have been scattered throughout my life. I was always dependent on some external source for happiness and it was only sustainable for short periods of time. Why do we allow ourselves to carry so many burdens? How do we crawl out of darkness? One step at a time. That's the answer. One step at a time. Every step must be full of forgiveness and patience for our self and others. So when you accidently take two steps back, you can forgive yourself and try again to move forward, ever so slowly.

As I begin to take these steps, many people came into my life to help me along this healing journey. Friends around me would notice subtle differences and inquire about the source of these changes. I wish I could say it was one specific book, class or teacher. That would make it easy. It was layer upon layer, not one thing, but all things.

One of the first amazing realizations I had, was how many horrible thoughts I had about myself. The constant ramble of venom spewing all day long. I tend to be visual, so I learned to visualize a control panel in my mind. I believe I read this in an Anthony Robbins book somewhere. On this control panel, it had a very important button; it was called the Volume button. Every time I heard a thought, that was sometimes downright abusive about myself, I would turn the volume down, way down, and kept turning it down. Day after day. After awhile those thoughts never came back. New thoughts would arise, this is an everyday practice still, but those initial horrible thoughts went away and never returned. This is the beginning of how to edit your life.

Learn more about this author, Danita Jolly.
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