by Lindy Abrahams

Created on: June 16, 2008

You can't really avoid emotionally unavailable men until you understand why you attract them in the first place. I'd been attracting unavailable men for years. I've read a lot of books on how to spot and how not to get involved but I've never come across a book that told me why I attracted unavailable men. You see, if you're totally aware of yourself, if you have a knowing of who you are, such men won't appeal to you and it's quite possible that they won't approach you or make an advance in the first place.

Believe it or not somehow on a subconscious level we tend to draw to ourselves people who are at the same emotional level as we are. If you want to stop attracting the unavailable then you have to begin to do some real work with yourself. Unless you do that the unavailables will come in their millions and you'll fall for them over and over again until you're fed up.

I came to a point in my life when I just got fed up of the same type of guy. The funny thing though is that when he first appears into your life, you can't immediately spot the signs of his unavailability. Things slip past you or you choose to ignore certain things and give yourself a long list of excuses as to why Mr. unavailable did what he did.

When I started dating a particular man, the early days where great. He was "available" but it didn't take long for the subtle traits to appear. Not calling when he said he would. Lying about his whereabouts. Canceling dates at the last minute with a great excuse. Soon the list got bigger and bigger and I was back to where I'd started, attracting the unavailable man.

The search is deeper, it is in you. You need to understand why you feel so desperate. In my case I was desperate for companionship that I'd allow any fool who could dial my number into my life.

Give yourself time to be alone. If you have a habit of jumping from relationship to relationship you'll never have time to reflect. You'll never understand why you allowed certain things to happen in the last relationship. Feel comfortable alone. At first this is hard, but when you feel okay being single the unavailable men won't sense your desperation and will probably not be attracted to you.

Do the work on yourself, give yourself time. Get to know what you like and not what you don't like about Mr. Unavailable. Be available to yourself, this way you'll demand an available mate and dismiss one quickly if you realize he's emotionally unavailable.

It all boils down to you. There are wonderful men out there who can be and will be emotionally available, but they won't find you if you're not available. They just won't be attracted to you.

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