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Game Rating: 1/5

Who would have thought a game about war could be so utterly boring?

In "Warbands," by Stimulus Response Games, the player is a fresh-faced commanding officer in the rebel army fighting against the dastardly Muntu, who has conquered the country of Wardonia and enslaved its people. It sounds like a subject fit for a serious tactical strategy game, and at times the dialog does reach down and attempt level of pathos, but this is all ruined by idiotic characters and stupid graphics.

After a needlessly long introduction which the user is forbidden to skip lest he miss out on the riveting story being presented, the first thing the player notices is the absolutely uninspired and downright terrible artwork. It all looks very MS-PAINT-ish.

The gameplay is intuitive - if you've played other turn-based strategy games, you'll have no problem here. Despite this, the programmers still felt it necessary to explain ever little detail to you, including annoyingly unfunny jokes.

The player may get the feeling that the programmers were trying to be funny with a few of the character names and designs, but it really comes off as being cloying and unoriginal - much like the game itself. There's zero innovation here: you get your troops, click on them, send them to an area, and if they're close to an enemy, they'll fight. In later levels you'll even get to build tanks, hovercraft, and more infantry, but anyone who played Starcraft way back when won't exactly be bowled over. Heck, for the twenty bucks you'd spend on this game, you can probably find a cheap copy of Starcraft, it's expansion set, and Warcraft 1 through 3. You'll surely have a better time with those titles.

Sure, you can get into this game if you tough it out and play to the later levels, but by then you've made the commitment to give this thing a chance. It becomes maddeningly simple and monotonous, and you kind of get the feeling that nothing you're doing actually matters. There's a big "so what?" vibe going throughout the entire game.

The one redeeming feature in the whole game is the sound, which is excellent: you get the sounds of trucks starting up, gun fire from hovercraft, the boom of a rocket launcher or a tank... it really helps to keep you playing long after you should have given up. the less said about the music, however, the better: you feel like you should be having a jaunty horse ride across the plains rather than massacring a despot's army.

And all of this is overlooking the frequent lapses in English that sneak into the game's text. The guys at Stimulus Response Games should be embarrassed - "Warbands" looks slapdash, rushed, and unpolished.

If you're looking for a cool, fun, turn-based war game, try looking somewhere else. "Warbands" deserves a rating of 1/5, and that's on the generous side of things.

Learn more about this author, Michael Collins.
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