by Megan Schwartz

Created on: June 16, 2008   Last Updated: June 30, 2008

I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach when I read this question: "Can mothers diagnosed with bipolar disorder make good parents?"

There's so many things wrong with this question. First is simply the fact that anyone would ask it at all. Would you also ask if someone with MS makes a good parent? Or someone with chronic ulcers makes a good parent? And then what follows that? Would you then suggest taking away those hypothetical chidren? Where does anyone get the idea that they can pass such judgement?

Secondly, what guarantee does anyone have that they will be a good parent? Ask anyone with children and they will be able to list for you the challenges and weaknesses they face each day. Every child has his or her own unique personality and needs that can be equally endearing and frustrating. It's a hard job for anyone, ill or healthy. Regardless of your career or calling in life, committing to a plan of health and care for yourself is the key to enabling you to be a capable and dependable asset to others. Among all the parents I know, the common thought is to first take care of yourself so that you can then have more to offer your children. Whether that means exercise, healthy eating, relaxation, community support, or in some cases, adherence to a medication program, differs from one situation to another. None of these things determine the nature of any one parent's quality.

Finally, how do you define "good parent"? Who gets to make that call? Is that someone who never makes mistakes? Someone who is completely selfless, focused and calm at all times? Perhaps someone "practically perfect in every way"? That person, clearly, is a fairy tale. I live in the real world. I am a good mother. I do the best that I can for my children, both by taking care of them and by taking care of myself. My family has strong ties and healthy boundaries. We focus on learning through play and example. Sometimes I make mistakes, sometimes I lose my temper, sometimes I'm too tired to play games so we read books quietly instead. Sometimes I have to call in my support network to help me and you know what? That's all ok.

I am a mother with bipolar disorder and that is NOT a euphemism to label me a bad mother. I love my children and I do my best by them EVERY SINGLE DAY. They know they are loved, they know they are secure and they know they are more special in our lives than anything else. I hope that by watching me they will see that life is full of challenges every where you go. All that you can do, every time, is nothing more and nothing less than you best. It is, in fact, a lot more than many people have to offer. And should their best fail, what then? They will always have their family, including me, regardless of any diagnosis, to come to when they need us.

I am a mother, first and foremost. And quite frankly, if someone thinks I can't be a good one simply becuase of my diagnosis, then he or she is certainly welcome to stand up, turn around, and walk straight out of my life. Don't let the door hit you on the way out and I hope no one you love is ever faced with a mental illness.

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