Coping With Anniversaries of Tragic Loss

November 15, 1975 my father committed suicide the day after my birthday. At family reunions I found out that I was daddies special girl. I'm so glad he did not do it on my birthday as I would have felt guilty that it was my fault the rest of my life. But the question will always remain "why" did he commit suicide?

Here are some ways that I have coped with this tragic loss in my life:

1. Remembering the good times we had ice fishing.

2. The special hugs and kisses he gave to me.

3. Surprises he brought home for me after being away on his job.

4. Checking his lunchbox for any morsel of food leftover for me to eat.

5. His smiling grin from ear to ear when he played dominoes and won.

6. His early to bed and early to rise.

7. Lying on the couch reading the newspaper after supper.

8. Liked me just the way I was with no make-up and said I was pretty.

9. Gave me a car on graduation as long as I used for work purposes, going to church and short shopping sprees.

10. Special trips to the mountains after Sunday dinner. I always said I had my homework done. Dad would say, "He, hoop, bonnie all." That phrase meant go to the bathroom, grab your sweater and bonnet and get in the car we are going to go for a ride. One time we left early in the morning and went to New Mexico as Dad wanted to show us the adobe houses just like the ones in Venezuela where he had worked.

11. I was at work and I just started crying and couldn't stop remembering my dad's suicide. The manager just looked at me and asked me to go for a walk. So I went to a card shop and bought thinking of you cards for all my sisters and brothers.

12. Tricks he played on company when we had dinner. He loved hot peppers and could eat the hot ones like candy. He would tell everyone at the table they were sure good and asked them to try and of course they burned their mouth, throat and they drank lots of water.

He used to make their coffee and put a spoon that had a fly glued to it in the cup. He wanted to see their reaction whether they ignored it.

He also had a bulb that he held in his hand and put the tube under the table cloth under their plate. He would squeeze the bulb and air would make the plate go up and down. Again he wanted to see their reaction.

13. The twinkle in his eyes as he watched us kids play at the playground as we would swing, hung on the monkey bars, rode the merry-go-round, and flew down the slide. He wanted

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