by Pamela A Mertz

Created on: June 15, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

A recent memorial service for a friend really gave me pause to think about community, and how critical it is to have a community of love and support while we are living. We should not wait until someone dies to celebrate the goodness we have in life.

I met Jean at a time in my life when I needed help, and I was strong enough to ask for it. I went to Jean for counseling, but in a short time, she provided much more than that. Jean was a friend in many ways - she was caring, non-judgmental, believed in me unconditionally, and encouraged me to do the same and love myself. She began to share with me the things in her life that she found meaningful. She was deeply interested in peace and social justice, and was often involved in peace demonstrations. (A mutual friend would later tell me stories of the times Jean was arrested). She was involved in yoga and meditation, took care of her body and soul and practiced mindfulness.

As a psychotherapist, she was also deeply interested in dream work, and was actively involved in a new way of connecting with people - through cyber dream work. Before Jean became really ill, she shared with me stories of some of her recent trips to Ireland and Iceland. She and others were pioneering this new way of helping people find themselves through interpretation of their dreams - in cyber groups held all over the world using the connectivity of the internet.

Throughout Jean's courageous battle with cancer, when we could no longer meet together physically, she stayed in touch with me via email. She shared a treasure trove of private thoughts she had about the meaning of life, her gratitude for family and friends, and her excitement about soon becoming a grandma. She once told me how she reflected on life when a single beautiful gold leaf floated through her window, which helped her see the beauty of that day.

She also shared with me some of the bad stuff too how chemotherapy was effecting her, how humbled she felt when she was sitting in a room with other cancer patients getting their drugs, and the incredible pain she was experiencing. Through it all, I was honored and touched that she chose to stay in contact with me. She was sharing a story with me about living and dying with grace and dignity.

When the emails stopped, I wondered and worried. I did not know her husband, so I felt I would be intruding if I called. A friend let me know he had heard she was in and out of the hospital. It was this same friend who delivered the news to me when

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