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Humor: As an amateur historian and internet research freak, I can find many thoughtful and thought-provoking quotes from famous people to their fathers. For instance, when poor Ophelia sobbed to Polonius, "Daddy, Prince Hamlet is driving me nuts. Always talking to himself with that to be or not to be stuff, and he thinks he sees his dead Dad's ghost."

Here are just a few more thought-provoking sayings from famous offspring to their dads for Father's Day:

Moses: Hey, Dad, sorry I can't be with you on Father's Day. I just freed the Israelites, and about to start our march out of Egypt to the Promised Land. Could I borrow your GPS (global positioning system) for 40 years?

Hillary Clinton: Daddy, when I grow up, can I live in a big white house for eight, no, make it 16, years?

The Incredible Hulk: Geez, look at me, Pop! I'm all green! I told you not to feed me so much of that damn broccoli and spinach when I was growing up.

Lassie: Daddy, you're the best, but Mom's a real bitch.

Superman: Hello, Dad. This is your son, Clark. I'm in jail, and I need you to bail me out. Yeah, the same old indecent exposure thing. The cops busted me again for changing my clothes in a phone booth.

Barry Bonds: Dad, I'm sorry your butt has grown so big. How many times have I told you to stay out of my medicine closet. Those pills are for steroids, not hemorrhoids.

Methuselah: So I forgot your Father's Day greeting this year. Forgive me, Poppa, for not sending a card just this once in 937 years?

George W. Bush: Dad, thanks for all that education you paid for, the deals you made to keep me out of Vietnam, and the political strings you pulled to get me to be President. But, why didn't you ever teach me to pronounce the word nuke-you-lar?

George Washington: Dad, so I married a widow with two kids. Just wait a couple of years. All the history books will be calling me The Father Of Our Country.

Al Gore: Damn it, Pop. It's not my fault I can't visit you on Father's Day. Who knew there'd be four feet of snow in Miami in June? And if you call it global freezing just one more time, I won't send you the damn green necktie I bought for you.

Junior astronaut to senior astronaut: Yeah, Daddy-O, I know. Like all old guys, you need to get up to pee five times a night. But, now that they've fixed the toilet on the space vehicle, is it OK if I book you on the next mission?

Learn more about this author, Ted Sherman.
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