by Ruth Adams

Created on: June 15, 2008

The reason why someone goes into therapy is usually because they want to address certain issues with the intention of overcoming them, in order to live a happier life. Being "stuck in therapy" means having become a slave to the issues that you came to address. You continually address them, but are never free from them. A person in this situation may even feel that the therapy is perpetuating or exacerbating the problem; and sometimes they may not be far wrong.

As a healer and counselor I'd like to put forward the following three suggestions about this scenario:

Firstly: People are often given to understand that until they are "fixed" they are not allowed to accept themselves. They "have to" resolve issues x and y; and until then they have no reason to be happy, nor to think that they are "good enough". There is a cruel paradox in this, because until you feel able to accept yourself unconditionally, healing cannot take place at all. Healing has to begin from a position that you are good enough even with your unresolved problems. What frequently accompanies emotional problems is a feeling of guilt for having them. This causes a person to attack the problem and attack themselves in the process. To counteract this, the therapist must be complete with the understanding that the client and not their problem is of paramount importance. This should be given over to the client very clearly, and the client must be told "you're absolutely fine, just as you are".

Secondly, while it is helpful to have insight into a problem or its cause, this is often not enough. When a person comes into therapy they usually feel significant powerlessness on a subconscious level. When they focus on their problem from a position of powerlessness; rather than going away, the problem often threatens to gain validity and it presents itself as if it were "here to stay". Consequently, the client's feeling of powerlessness is exacerbated and they may begin to imagine that they are dependent on the therapist. Therefore any analysis of problems or negative behaviour patterns should be supplemented by the use of techniques which enhance the client's personal power and autonomy.

Thirdly, the goal of any client should be: not to need therapy. This does not mean that all the problems will have been solved, but that the former client now feels in a position to enjoy life and make the best of it. Once you have made the decision to be free from therapy, the most effective life "therapy" is to enjoy yourself. It can help a great deal to engage in activities that induce your body to release endorphin; such as sport, dancing, yoga and laughing. Natural endorphin promotes a sense of well being which will give you the strength to face all kinds of problems and overcome self doubts.

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