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My reflections on death are all my own and my absolute feelings towards it. We are all afraid of something, and death seems to be on the top of our lists. Whether we are afraid of it ourselves or losing somebody else to it. I have both of those fears I believe.
Probably the biggest fears to me, would be losing my mom, siblings, my son, or the love of my life. And I do believe it is selfishness. We are mad that they leave us, and they get to move on and go to a better place, but in our hearts we want those people here with us. And so we all have that great fear of losing them, and that is my number one fear.

I could not, even at twenty-eight, imagine life without my mother or sister, I think I would die of a broken heart. It seems to make me cry every time I even try to fathom it. I do know I will have to deal with it someday, I just hope it is many years from now.
The first time I went to an open casket funeral, I was 12 years old, and seeing the pain on my dads face, and the sadness, just broke me. This is our last look at this person before they are laid into the ground.
There is such sorrow in the whole funeral thing, and trying to define it and rationalize why it happens, but truth is, whether we like it, or want it, it is there, staring us straight in the face. One day our family and friends have to let us go. And as humans, it is just to hard to do.
The only way I can go with it, is to say, "Okay, they are in a better place than we are, they have no more pain, and they will always be with us".....But, is that really the case?
Well, whether it is or is not, it is something that never goes away, we all die. I hate even saying it, just like most of us.
I have my own beliefs as anyone does. We all wish we could live forever, but my thing is...I rather pass away before them. I do not want to endure that loss for my family and my friends.
In the end either way God will take care of them and "us".
We all have to be strong and except life ends at some point. Nobody likes to come to terms with that, but it is an underlying thing, that just does not stop. We wish there was something we could have done and what we did not get to say before they left us. But, someday when we all meet in heaven we will have our chance to do so. We can not go around and beat ourselves up over it. For, that only makes us weaker. And for our lost ones and ourselves we need to be wiser, stronger, and more open. And that is just a promise i will have to make to myself.

Learn more about this author, Courtney Petrella.
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