by Barry Marcus

Created on: June 14, 2008   Last Updated: June 29, 2008

Some people seem to be born with endless confidence while others are relatively unsure of themselves. At its core, confidence stems from a belief in ones self. The greatest killer of confidence is a low self-esteem which in turn results from a combination of an individual's innate personality and its interaction with the outside world.

The old saying, "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never harm me" couldn't be further from the truth. Broken bones and bruises will heal over time. The scars delivered by damaging words often remain with a person for life. Ultimately it is words that are able to destroy confidence. In extreme cases that destruction may be complete.

Some years ago I came across the Dale Carnegie course. One of the prime slogans of the organisation was "don't criticise, condemn or complain". I have reflected on this often and made it my practice in my personal and professional relationships. Some of the participants of the course were quite incredulous. "How can you help someone to improve if you don't criticise what they do wrong?" A salesman described how they had monthly meetings where each person was subjected to the collective criticism of the group. Very constructive!

Unsolicited advice from friends and family is often like this. Constant criticism of behaviour and advice on how to better manage one's life achieve nothing.

Self-esteem is built upon achievements and the recognition of others. A child that is constantly criticised and told "NO" and at every step is likely to grow up with poor self-esteem. This low self-esteem is often lifelong resulting in underachievement and the development of vices and dependencies.

Children that are allowed space to experiment and rewarded positively for their achievements and good behaviour grow up to be confident self assured adults.

The workplace can be a place that is full of negative reinforcement. Performance appraisals around the clock. 360 degree performance appraisals. Those organisations that practice performance management can help to transform the workplace into a very stressful place. No matter how good a worker becomes, his performance is assessed on an almost continuous basis with regular feedback sessions.

This performance stress can impact negatively on the actual performance of the worker and create a dent in the person's self esteem. Being told about faults and failings - often mere perceptions of the appraiser - leads the appraised person to a new self-image. He or she is

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>