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Why would anyone be thinking of a "bad' father's day gift unless they had a "bad" father? So, while everyone else is reading "How to have a wonderful father's day brunch" or "writing mussy poetry for dad" pages, you are here with me contemplating what a bad dad might deserve for the holiday. Now, no one ever says to themselves they have a bad father. They just make excuses for him like, "My Dad isn't drunk, he's just....heavily medicated for a back condition" when their friends come over. Which is not a very well thought out excuse seeing their dad is passed out on the couch with about 20 beer bottles surrounding his fifty thousand cigarette butts that didn't quite make it to the nicotine reeking puke filled ash trays on the coffee table. Then there is the absent DAD, who, in fact, is vaguely familiar. ("I think...think I saw him in walmart yesterday...at least it looked like him.)we offer the "he's fighting the war." excuse. Which is not a real lie, just a prevarication. We add under our breath "the war against human decency". This Dad doesn't even show up for his own special day because he is such a loser that he hates himself for being such a loser and knows he doesn't deserve a darn thing!

What about the good/bad dad. Kinda like the nasty/nice girlfriend you had last month. You know, he's never home, he forgets your name and your birthday, but he shows up with lots of gifts and lots of promises (which he never keeps). So, you kinda like him. But you kinda hate him at the same time because you really just want a Dad. It's your sister that wants the Sugar Daddy. If you even start to complain to your mom you hear "After all your Dad has provided for you! He works very hard because he loves you!" And you really know that he works very hard because he's a workaholic and should be taking medication for his obsessive compulsive disorder. He lives to work. But, you really do have to give him something.

Well, I could go on and on about the disgruntled children of the world and the horrible dad's they have to put up with, but the topic of this article is "Bad Father's Day gift ideas". Probably the best idea if you're under the age of 16 is the homemade gift for Dad. Some ideas:
1. Take on old T-shirt and cut the arms out. With the fabric paint tubes (the ones that leave a really thick cracky florescent glump on the fabric) write "Best Dad in the Woreled"
Purposely misspell the "world" and then say "oh gosh Dad, do you still like it?"

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