by Catsy Jones

Created on: June 13, 2008   Last Updated: June 14, 2008

Walmart = FUN when you know what to do. I have heard of many different ways to have fun at Walmart, but here is a sure fire plan of having a ton of fun with a new and different idea.

First, walk up to the nearest clerk and ask them for help. Tell the clerk you need to buy rat poison and tell him that it is a big rat. The conversation should go something like this.

"Hi. Can you help me find something I need to buy?"
"Sure. What do you need?"
"Rat Poison. I have a RAT infestation. And I need rat poison."
"Uh Okay, aisle 6 on the left."
"Can you come with me because I'm like really bad at finding this stuff."
"Okay."
He'll walk you down the aisle, and now comes the first fun part. He'll hand you a bag of the stuff and you say, "Will this be enough? I think I need more."
"Well... Um how many rats do you think you have?"
"About 210 pounds worth."
"Ummm... Well that bag should do the trick. How do you know..."
"What?"
"Nothing."

Now you have a bag of rat poison in your shopping cart. Walk to the area of the store where they sell large duffel bags. Ask someone new for help. Say,

"Excuse me but I need a duffel bag and it needs to be really big, because, um my ahem DOG died and I need to put him in a big duffel bag to bury him."
"Okay. How big of a dog?"
"About the same size as you."
"What's that?"
"Hey I've been stuck with him for TEN YEARS, and it is definitly time for a new model. So don't judge me okay?"
By now the employee may be looking at the rat poison sitting in your cart. If not, look guiltily at the rat poison and he will follow your gaze. Cover it with your hands in a feeble attempt to hide it.
"Um are we still talking about a dog?"
Blink and than answer without looking him in the eye, "Of course what would make you think otherwise?"

Now go to the gun department and look at rifles. The man may talk to you about shooting deer, and if he does this is the perfect time to say well is it good for protection? I mean I know it could kill a deer but what about a hus... Uh man?

Go to the checkout and flirt with the cashiere, ensure he sees your wedding ring. He'll probably say your cute but your married, and just answer, "Not for long". Give him a big grin as he rings up your gun, bullets, rat poison, and duffel bag large enough for a big man. Than smile and tell him you forgot the shovel, which aisle is that in?

Lots of fun to do this. HAVE FUN!

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