by John Huber

Created on: June 13, 2008

"I can do that."
How many times have I said that? Over and over. Every day there is something new and fascinating and amazing I come across. I am pulled in a million directions. Inside my head there is a room with chattering monkeys, each one clamoring for attention and opportunity to prove themselves and gain one spec of recognition, but the voices are submerged in a wash of crashing waves of more voices, added daily. New, energetic, screeching howls of crackling excitement, joining the expanding chorus of a buzz and hum from a nation of animals, unable to keep in their seats.

Everything they seem to want to be part of everything. From art dandies who want to write words and song, paint and sculpt, to those whose desire can be sated by fluency in the rainbow of languages, the intricate and heady knowledge of hydrocarbons, the muted brilliance of international finance, and beyond. How often has a furry hand shot in the air followed by the tinny chirp asking to build a table or cabinet, construct a computer or mend a retaining wall?
This secret cerebral society of line jumpers and interrupters want to be champions of everything. Yet, they are just the noisy distracters, who ultimately leave me asking "is this what adult ADD is?"
Here I am. I've done nothing.
Every moment, every now is time for a fresh start, a chance to make a champion out of one of the noisome little primates in my head. Today is the day to be king of the chimps and bring about a real and tangible accomplishment in my life. Not another minute should be wasted growing their population in the daydream haze with new arrivals, bristling with ambitions in political theory, ponderings of the mystery of existence or designs of jewelry never to be made. Surely, one of them can rise up and lead their community to strive for and achieve a goal.
Of course, selecting a leader will require bringing in more chimps to assess levels of expertise, value of a unified effort in bring a goal to action and strategizing the navigation of the existing path (or non-path) for optimization. All of this means, more chattering, more distraction, more time, more daydreaming and ultimately, less probability of anything every being accomplished.
So, then what is the goal? Who will lead? It doesn't matter. As long as there is a window to blankly stare through and birds to fill in the occasional gaps of rumbling, tomorrow will be much like today: nothing done and even less to show for it.
These are the dilemmas I face, the chimps in my head and me.

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