by Laura Clements

Created on: June 12, 2008   Last Updated: June 11, 2010

Tips for raising confident children

Be a Parent, Teach Your Children to Fail

Our children are lacking the ability to know how to lose.  We try to protect them so much, that when they find out that they are not in fact perfect, they do not know how to handle the failure. The pressures to succeed, along with the normal adolescent strains, are too much for anyone to handle.

One of the most important psychological attributes to a baby or toddler is learning that when you fall down you can get back up.  If we continue to shelter our children what is going to happen when they fail in the “real world”?

Every child has their own gift. It is up to them to find out what it is.  It is up to us as parents to guide them. Take for example the ridiculous kid on American Idol. You feel bad for him even before he opens his mouth. His hair is outdated as well as his clothes and his acne is unmanageable. His parents love him so much; they don't want to tell him he is a horrible singer. Well, then Simon gets a hold of him, and next thing you know the kid is receiving strong criticism and does not know how to handle it.

A parent at some point needs to understand that life is not great. Most of the time it may not even be good, but we have to teach our kids to find the good in it. You have to let them know it is okay to not be a Celine Deon or a Carrie Underwood. Maybe you are going to be John Smith instead of Warren Buffet. Is that such a bad thing? It is all in perspective. If we can tell our kids to do their best and be proud of what they are capable of doing, then there is no failure. When they don't pass a test it is because they need to study more. Not because they are "idiots" and feel like they need to bring guns to school to release their frustrations.

If we went to work and our bosses said that everyone will now be getting $50,000 per year salary and a $1,000 annual raise regardless of performance; would you try to do a better job? Would you volunteer for overtime, to not get paid for it? This is what we are expecting our kids to do.

We need to remember that the generation we are creating is going to be creating their own. All that will be left is a generic world full of mediocre people. We have to expect the bad to accept the good. I know it's a cliché, but there has to be a last place in order to have a first place. All we have to do as parents is let our kids know it is okay to be last. When they do not win, hug them, and let them know

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