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"I'm looking into sexual myths," she says, "For instance it's believed that black men have the largest appendages of any race, whereas it's the native Americans who can claim that honour."

"Really," he says.

"Yes, and Italian men have a reputation as the world's greatest lovers, whereas it is actually Jewish men who are the most amorous. My name's Julie Crawford by the way, and you are "

He takes her proffered hand and replies without a blink, "Tonto Cohen."

Sorry if you've heard that one before, but the point I'm trying to make is that John Cleese couldn't use that line because it doesn't fit his screen persona, but it seems almost specifically written for Woody Allen's sexual neurotic.

In previous articles I've told how I write comedy sketches. Take a ridiculous situation and keep writing till you hit a punchline. Then go back and prune out the extraneous material. This method wouldn't work for an entire screenplay, but would work if you regard the entirety of a 90 minute movie as consisting of 30 scenes or sketches. Your problem would be in keeping your sketches within the limits of your plot. And remember, not only must your screenplay have a beginning, a middle and an end, but each sketch must have the same.

For me there's a greater satisfaction in writing comedy material than any other and I've tried most. Try it yourself, but remember that the competition is brutal.

Learn more about this author, Gurmeet Mattu.
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